A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is this guy really a loser. ive got this ex from 5 years ago,occasionly he has contacted me and wanted to hook up,a few times i have given in to this.thing is he is 46 never been married he got a women pregnant but wasnt interested in the kid. he doesnt work,does drugs and has let his house go down hill and its become dirty. he lets people down,me for instance says he will ring and doesnt.at first i thought it was me he treated like this and thought there was something wrong with me.which i know there isnt.he's hurt me in the past and probably loads of other women as well.i,ve tried to hurt him to get my own back but it doesnt bother him until now,when i told him his own family think he is a loser.i must of hit a nerve when i told him that.i was glad for the hurt he had caused me.Thing is i must be a idiot only i still got feelings for him.sometimes he acts like the charming person.why the hell am i caring about this guy i dont know.any help or advise would be helpful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2012): Sounds like you might be single and a bit lonely and he is familiar if nothing else. He doesn't seem to have much to recommend him and doesn't treat you very well so try to find someone else and be choosy who you associate with.
Think what you want from a relationship, maybe join a dating site if only because it asks you questions about who you are looking for.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Sounds like this guy knows a good thing when he's got it.
Let's go over things: you state that he treats you poorly, calls you primarily for sex, is a bum, uses drugs and yet you willingly have sex with him. Sounds like he's got it made... a sexual partner that he doesn't have to invest in.
The question is why? Why do you have such low self-esteem that you would allow yourself to be treated as a human toilet? Are there not more worthy men of your attention in your social circles?
The heart can be a tricky creature and on some level you do have a connection with this man. Whether you think you can change him (you can't) you are holding onto a fantasy that you two belong together. You won't be free of his antics until you realize that you do deserve better and that you sever all ties with him.
By continuing to see this man, you are risking disease (especially if he uses needles for drugs or venereal diseases if he has other partners) or being saddled with a kid he doesn't want. Why would you risk ruining the remainder of your life for a fling with a bum?
I think it is time you take stock of your life and ask yourself why you can't find someone who is going to put you #1 in their life and why you let yourself be used even though you obviously know better. It isn't easy letting go, but the sooner you do, you'll experience the opportunity to find someone who will respect you and your self-worth will increase immensely.
Best wishes
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 August 2012):
 HOW can you spend so much time and effort delineating what a TOTAL A*S this guy is... and then write: "...i still got feelings for him.sometimes he acts like the charming person.why the hell am i caring about this guy..."
Please read your submittal again.... and a third, fourth, fifth and additional times, if necessary.... until you can see CLEARLY what an IDIOT you'd have to be to give this guy even ONE IOTA of your attention....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (1 August 2012):
 It's ok to have feelings for someone, but you seriously need to get away from this guy. You already know that. Due to their charm, some of these guys become more of an addiction than a real relationship.
When you know how a guy behaves, and you still agree to him/hook up with him, HE is not hurting you, YOU are hurting you.
You do not sound happy. In fact, you sound sad and kind of disgusted. It's time for you to stop giving this guy access to your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): Well OP as many times as I've seen this before I know exactly how this is going to play out, you're going to carry on with this fools game for as long as it takes you to realize that best thing for you would be to completely get rid of this guy out of your life and stop being his play thing.
I'm not going to even try and help or advise you, nothing I can say will make a damn bit of difference because you already know what you should do but you're too weak to do it.
Want to know why you still care? because you won't let go, you won't close that door on him nor your idiotic hope and he keeps coming back for his free and easy pussy.
You're not an idiot for having feelings for someone, you're an idiot for not doing what you know you have to to get rid of them. That's what makes you a fool, not your feelings.
So either sort this shit out or stop complaining, you have the ability and intelligence to know how to sort this out, stop being a pansy and sort it. Or resign yourself to a life of solitude, never completely moving on, never able to commit yourself fully to anyone else because you allow this douche to have complete control over you.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Hi
I doubt he will ever change now and is only in contact because you are available and respond when others have probably given up on him. He clearly has deep rooted problems or he wouldn't be as he is.
You can't switch off how you feel but do you really need him in your life?
I would ignore any further contact he makes. Focus on other things and people in your life. Try dating and meeting men who do not have issues,you don't need to be dragged down to his level.
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