A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I really need some advice as I'm completely devastated. My boyfriend of 5 years confessed to me about a week ago that he met another woman a couple months back and that he's fallen in love with her. Not only that but my boyfriend is leaving me to pursue a relationship with her. He was not himself when he told me this. He was so cold and emotionless, where as he's always been the emotional sweet type. He seemed as if he was mad. He told me he's been unhappy for the last 6 months and just didn't know how to tell me. This doesn't sit well with me because he never told me or showed signs of being unhappy until the day of the break up. Our relationship had been going on normally, at least in my opinion. I honestly did not see this coming. He had bought me a promise ring in August. I was so happy with him and thought he was the one. What hurts me the most is that he waited until he met someone else before he decided to break things off with me. I think he has been very selfish about all of this. It scares me to know he's been faking his feelings for me for months. It sucks that I'm still in love with him meanwhile he's already moved on whilst still together with me. The thought of him being with this other woman right now kills me. He promised to never hurt me and we had plans for a future together. How can he throw everything away so quickly? I had a strong connection with him. I don't want to rebuild everything with a new person and start all over. I can't believe he did this. I tried everything to make it work with no success. He's made up his mind. I don't know why I wasn't good enough. He always told me I made him happier than ever. What am I suppose to do now? I'm lost! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2016): I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've also been with my boyfriend 5 years and if he shared with me what yours did, my life would turn upside down! Your hopes and dreams dashed in a second...There is nothing you can do. He has met someone else and has moved on. This has been months in the making all while you were oblivious. I'm truly sorry to hear of this heartbreak for you. It's not you, it's that he gave up on the two of you, his loss. You may not see it now but with hindsight I'm sure it will come to pass.For now, you will be in shock...put yourself first now, take care of YOU, and be around loved ones-family, friends, colleagues. Once the buffer of shock passes, you will be in grief. It's a huge loss, a death in a way of what you envisaged for the future versus what it really is now. Over. Forever.Even if it doesn't work out with the other woman, and he comes begging in a week, month, year, you will never really be able to trust him again.At least he told you, you didn't find out in another way, but the deception nonetheless will be equally traumatic and shatter your confidence and trust, but, remember, not everyone is the same.It's going to take time. Lots of time. If you don't bury it but talk about it with close friends, and someone else one day, you will heal. You can't conceive of it now, but you will. Everyone does eventually. One day in the future, you will meet someone else, and as you grow, heal, trust again, you will heal from this and come out stronger, wiser and filled with empathy for others and use this experience to good use. All this forms who we are, and sometimes we go through these things for a reason which only hindsight reveal its a blessing in disguise.Take the time you need to lick your wounds, stay strong, take the high moral ground, let him see what he lost, it's a lesson for him too, but move on. In time. You will know when you are ready. Try to set small goals to keep you on track for now, so you don't lose the plot totally. As you reach those, set more and so on, and eventually you will be through the worst of it.Good luck, may you find happiness again in life, and then in love again one day. You are young, don't see this as the end. Life is before you, you can do this. You got this.Virtual hugs from a romantic! E
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 January 2016):
 Believe me.... you are better off without your "B/F". HE has succumbed to the ever-happening... "I expect the grass really IS greener in my neighbor's yard...".... YOU need to let him experience that grass (the other girl)... then, decide for yourself if you are willing to give him another chance to spend time with you... ONCE he learns that that folly (which ALL of us guys do) really IS a folly...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2016):
 What are you suppose to do now?
Let him go.
Yes, it's deceitful that he lined up someone else before leaving you, but that is ON HIM, not you.
As for promising to never hurt you, well in theory that is nice, but reality is.. that is a kind of promise people can't always keep, and something they shouldn't promise.
So now you know.. he is NOT as good as his words.
I know it sucks to have the "rug" pulled out from under you, there is however nothing you can do except work on moving on. You can't make him change his mind.
I'd say give him his shitty promise ring back as it is WORTHLESS, get ALL your stuff from his place and pack up all his from yours, then go ABSOLUTELY no contact.
This isn't about you not being good enough. It's about HIM not being willing to work on whatever issues there might have been, instead he went and CHEATED on you an then decided he wants her instead.
Don't sit and ponder why he did what he did - look to YOUR future, something HE is no longer part of. And think about this, it's better it happens now than 6 months or years into a marriage.
Spend time with family and friends. With people who love you. And give yourself time to heal.
And for goodness sake don't let him be part of your life in any way shape or form, because I can easily see a guy like that (who jumps from one woman to another) to want to try and keep you around and available in case SHE doesn't work out. That is NOT someone you NEED in your life.
Make YOU the priority of your life.
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