A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedbutdeeplyinlove
writes:Hey I need help.I just broke up with my fiance of 9 months. Its a long distance relationship and we've never met but were going to soon. I broke up with him cause he lied to me about hanging out wit this girl and he has an attraction to her and he said he's hung out with her twice but I can't believe him since he lied about it. I found out from a friend of his. He at first denied it then caved in and told me and was like I still love you and I'm not lieing but how can I believe him? I don't know how long I should not talk to him and if I should take him back after I decide I'm ready to talk to him so please someone help me. Tell me what to do I'm lost.
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broke up, fiance, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): if this girl was a previous friend of his, he may have just been "hanging out" or spending time with her, catching up, but if he felt he needed to keep it a secret and didnt immediately reveal it, he may have been doing something he would regret. im sure if he says he loves you, he does, its just that sometimes relationships can become boring or uninteresting, and men (i know from experience) are hardwired to find as many mates as possible, and that inclination sometimes overcomes a man's emotions towards one woman. I believe it is possible to like more than one woman, but only love one. so reestablish your relationship, and this time, make sure he has no reason to become attracted towards other women. and definitely talk to him. He may not listen, but im sure hes just as angry about his mistake as he is at you for becoming separated form him.
PS: Remember that marriage is a lifelong commitment, and before you make that commitment, you should be prepared for the consequences. find someone you truly love. noone is perfect, but there is someone for everyone.
A
female
reader, confusedbutdeeplyinlove +, writes (2 December 2007):
confusedbutdeeplyinlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks for the advice. I think I will take him back but now I've got another problem he said if we did get back together that he'd wana meet me the week after but that probably won't be till next year after feb some time cause he won't have the money till then but he might date around till then what should I do? I really wanna take him back but I'm not ok with him dating other people cause I know I sure won't be. So what should I do?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): hey there,I can understand your feelings so well.I had a long distance relationship as well,even if we had met in person several times before we got together.when we started dating we were seeing each other every 1-2months for a couple of weeks.
after 1,5 year I found out that he was hanging out with this girl that I have met once.but he always said they weren't even friends.just seeing each other at friend's parties.I found out she has been at his place with her roommate as he said.that he gave her a ride home in the middle of the night when her friends left her behind and the stories goes on... well I guess its understandable that I became suspicious and of course asking and talking to him.but he said they were just friends.but when did this friendship start????I never knew about it.so to come to an end.after almost 2 years I found out he has slept with her... I really don't want to say that it will be the same with you and him.just try to see things from a neutral position.and one thing I have learned is that you should listen to your feelings.I had this feeling since I found out about her.and all he did was lieing in the last couple of months during our relationship.I don't know if I could help you in any way.but as I said,listen to your feelings,they wont lie to you.take care
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A
male
reader, auvi  +, writes (1 December 2007):
it is quite difficult to know a person fully by long distance relationship. well... here is something, maybe he had hang out with her but didnt tell you that because he wanted to protect his relationship with you first. maybe it was just a hang out...
anyway, before marrying him, try spending some time with him and try to know how he is in the real life. our real personality and cyber personality may not be same.
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (1 December 2007):
 Well it seems to me that this long distance relationship is the type that has a very low percentage of working out. If he is hanging out with a girl that he is attracted to and he denied it to you then what else has he lied about? You only lie to a person when it is something big to hide. Maybe you deserve better. It seems to me he is not ready to commit. Especially dealing with long-distance.Unfortunately i dont think you should take him back. Look for someone that can be open and honest and ready to commit to you.
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