A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'll try and keep this brief. My ex was amazing for 4 years. He then cheated on me and started with her. since then he has been nasty, then was nice again and said we'd get back together, now is cooling off, saying he loves me, unsure if he wants me - messing me around. I'm starting to doubt he even split up with this girl as somethings don't add up. He's basically acting in a way that would have shocked him a year ago. He says he doesn't know why he does it and that he knows its unfair.Obviously I realise he's acting horribly, etc etc, but I guess I'm asking do you think this is a phase (he says he has no motivation anymore and is unhappy)and he will return to the person i loved for four years who really was my soulmate, do you think its just he is a nasty person and he hid it for so long, or what? I'm so confused. We've agreed to not contact each other any more after he brings the last of my things around to make it easier, but he says if the old him returns, he'll contact my mum to see whether she thinks we should get back together. Is this a wise idea? I love him, but i can't deal with all of this again, i'm at rock bottom emotionally - he's gone from perfect to a thoughtless liar.
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cheated on me, get back together, liar, my ex, soulmate, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, I think you are right. I just don't understand how he went from making me feel like the most special person on earth, booking our wedding, to treating me with distain and no respect, it's shattering.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 February 2010):
This is the man he is though. He wasn't perfect, that was just an act. The truth always comes out in the end, and the truth is that he is just a thoughtless lying cheat. Just never ever give him another chance. He's not good enough at all and never was. You now know who he really is. A cheat who doesn't give a damn.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): Hi,
Reading your story I feel that you do sincerely love this guy but this guy is really not into you. While the 4 years must have been great nobody suddenly changes overnight. It is not to say that ur bf is a deviant but that his nature has changed. And all this crap about the "old him" re-merging at some point in future is a psychic need for him to know that you will be the "back-up" for him (i.e. he can have all his affairs and then come back to you and you will shower him with love and emphathise with him like you are currently doing.)
My take is that you shud cut your losses. Look to the future, he is not the last best guy for you in the world. there are other great guys out there too, you just have to give yourself time and patience and you will find the right guy who ought the love and cherish you the way you love and cherish him.
I do not usually write in agony columns or anything but your story just kind of touched some nerve in me and I wanted to help you. You are still young, do not let this one setback ruin your life.
Best of luck,
Shashi ([email address blocked])
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