A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Recently my boyfriend hasn't shown much interest in myself or our relationship. I don't know why but I don't like the way he is. For example, I booked a table for two for us at a restaurant and he shown no interest, no thanks for booking it or anything. He's always 'too tired' to do things or go anywhere with me. I can't remember the last time we did something as a couple on our own. (In the past he has gone behind my back and flirted/messaged with other girls) I want him to think he's going to lose me if he doesn't start making an effort or showing me any interest. How can I do this??Also, since starting my new job 3 weeks ago there's this one guy that has started flirting with me, he is also in a relationship, and I like the fact he is flirting however I feel bad flirting back. I think I like the fact he is giving me attention, something my boyfriend isn't. Should I carry on with the flirty banter or stop?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2015): He's flirting, and now you're flirting. That means your puppy-love has run its course.
It is now time to fly solo for a while; and concentrate on an education, make a career choice, start self-improvement, grow-up, and just do a little short-term dating for the fun of it. Learn about personality-types in guys; and which compliments and works with your personality the best. Stick to single and available, for dating purposes.
Don't encourage a guy with a girlfriend to flirt with you. You don't like it when other females flirt with your man.
If a guy isn't showing much interest, he's:
(A) Not that into you (B) Ready to move on and wants to date other girls. Hopefully it isn't (C)! In which case, you're simply a bad match. You're just not that interesting, because you're not his type. If you have to try too hard to make him care. Maybe he doesn't?
Your idle threat that he's going to lose you doesn't mean much; if he's not that interested to begin with. He's probably thinking: "Bust a move, princess!" You're the one breaking your neck to stay together!"
He's just going with the flow. Coasting along, while you're doing all the pedaling. Waiting for you to get so frustrated that you'll dump him; so he can be on his way to see other girls. In the meantime, he's flirting for practice. Or worse! He'll pretend he's upset that you're threatening to leave. He'll beg you to stay, and promise he'll be a good boy! Be forewarned! If you decide to breakup, he'll play head-games. That's to keep you away from other guys. He'll want to talk. Ignore you. Leave his phone around for you to snoop around on it.
You'll be so confused with self-doubt, you'll still have sex with him as a way to keep him in your life. Even if he's seeing other girls. I know how this sort of thing works out. Seen it hundreds of times. That's why I called it puppy-love. It takes time and experience to grow into something more serious that. He'll even pick a fight, and make you think you started it.
Then, when you come crawling back; he can say it was all your fault you broke-up. It can become a recurring cycle, if you're prone to forgiving his flirting over and over.
By the way, you can't force some one to care about you with threats. You can demand respect, but not love. If you can't get both at the same time without asking. You dump him!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 December 2015):
 Only you can decide if the flirty banter goes too far or not, every now and then ask yourself "if I was in a relationship with this guy would I be worried about the level of flirtiness happening here?"
Always be respectful of other people's relationships.
As for your boyfriend, don't play games, or try to make him jealous. If he is not contributing to the relationship talk to him, let him know you are not happy and that if things don't improve you will walk.
If things don't improve then walk away, and don't look back.
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