A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 19 and currently my ex boyfriend/baby daddy are not together. He has a older son by his first baby momma and my little girl would be his youngiest child. Well when he comes home he's planning on marrying his first baby momma only to leave me and my daughter to the side. I don't know if I can deal. I love him so much and when we talk or write he always tells me he loves me and nothings gonna change between us. I don't want him to get married and Im not going continue to be intimate with him while he's married. I didn't really tell him how I felt but I ask him if he's still considering getting married and he said he yes/no, i guess not sure, and he's not looking forward to marrying her. I'm so confuse if he marrys her that tells me that he doesn't really love me or my child like he says. Can anyone give me advice on him. Should I just let him go? Should I fight for what I love? I've been giving him the silent treatment for 2 weeks because of this whole purposal and I don't really know what to do. I would'nt really about him being with her but marriage is way ova my head. HELP PLZ
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIve finished high school and im currently in college. I guess you guess are right,he really doesn't care about neither of us females. I'll let it go and move on and focus on my child and studies...thanks so much.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Bringing up children as a single parent at any age can be tough, but you are also young. I understand that you may feel insecure and be looking for the happy family unit including the father. Unfortunately your affections are directed in the wrong place. The father of your child is marrying someone else and you should never settle for being second-place to anyone. The right man will always put you first, and this man definitely isn't doing that - at the moment it seems he is sleeping with more than one woman...and contraception doesn't seem to be a familiar concept with all these babies popping up all over the place! Whether it is right for him to marry this other woman or not is irrelevant - what is certain is that you shouldn't be 'fighting' for a man who isn't worth the effort by being 100% committed to you. You need to find someone solid and stable for a happy family life and you need to think about your future happiness, as well as your baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): I am sorry that you are upset, but I am going to get a bit tough with you here.
You are 19 and a single mother. Do you have a high school diploma or a GED, are you planning on going to technical school or college in order that YOU can financially support your daughter on your own?
Those are the things that you should put your focus on, YOU, not your baby daddy.
I may sound old fashioned, but some things never change, like being responsible for your actions, being responsible enough for others as to not to hurt them on purpose.
Your child's father is what we used to call a two time loser. He has two children by two different women neither of which he is married to. Until those children are the age of 18, he will be paying child support for each child and he will struggle most likely paying that if he is as big a loser as I think he might be.
From a practical standpoint he is not great husband material. He is leaving you for some other woman, he got two women pregnant (I know it takes two, however, it shows how careless and self centered and irresponsible he really is) and now you want to know what to do?
File the court papers for child support for your child, work out visitation schedules and rights, let him establish paternity first if he hasn't already, and then proceed to move on with your life and take care of achieving the above mentioned goals so that you won't need a man to support you, and then you can chose a man later on who will love and cherish you and your daughter because this one doesn't have a clue. Understand?
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