A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship. I feel like i have been stuck in this caged life for almost 5 years. I am currently unemployed and with a small child. Me and my child's father aren't married, but we are together somewhat. Living together, I am very unhappy. I am depressed all the time. Sometimes to the point that i can't take care of our child. He seems to not care at all whether i live or die unless he wants intimacy. He works out of town 2 weeks a month. While he is gone he ignores me, lies to me and who knows what else. He calls me bad names in front of our child. He always walks away when i try to talk to him about our relationship. He jokes about me sleeping around while he is gone with the mail man. It might not seem like much but he does it so much it doesn't seem like a joke. He makes me feel special and sexy when he is home, but like i said he ignores me when he is gone. Here lately he has been very distant, not wanting to play with our daughter or spend time with us on his days home. I am beginning to wonder what i should do. I am miserable. Please help me what can i do?
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): Okay more on this. He keeps money from me so in turn me and our child cannot go anywhere while he is gone. I feel caged, my mom has to wire me money while he is gone so we can make it, but then he gets wind of it because i don't lie to him or keep things from him. Then he wants to come home unexpectidly and take the money my mom wired me and our daughter. Then in turn we fight b/c he came home to see us and what do i need the money for??? I stood up to him this time and said it's for our child. He works a week on a week off. He gets paid when he is off but he gets mad at me for spending money at grocery store.. but wont let us go out to eat. Its hard these days escpecially to buy any amount of food for 300.00. He makes good money but he is very selfish about it. He takes plenty of money and food to work with him and he still comes home with none of the money. He comes home with four or five dollars of quarters in his pockets. In my mind i assume he is going out to clubs or whatnot. . Anything to do with our relationship that upsets me or upsets him and it needs to be talked about, he is stubborn, rude, and hateful. He will not talk about it without walking out of room, or driving off. He gets heated everytime just really, hate to admit this.. just acts like he doesn't care. He blames it all on me. Last night he got a picture of another girls private parts on his phone, i asked who is that.. he lied and said oh wrong number. I said okay, then just by chance on my part he got the same text from same number. I grabbed it and looked.. naked woman.. not like a email, like she took it herself and sent it. I immediately called the number putting no suspicion on him. She answered, i said who is this, she said i am sorry that was a mistake, i said oh yes it was. I asked again who it was and she hung up on me. Anyways long story short, he ended up calling me bad words and putting it all on me that i was the bad one , that i am crazy, That it was my fault, I have lost at least 30lbs since i have had my baby and belive me i didn't need to lose it. Maybe this can help. I have more to say, i just dont know what your asking for.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): Your situation sounds a lot like how my wife was a few years back. The most important thing is to be happy, and to take care of your child. Situations like this are very tricky because you want a father for your child, but you have to remember, doing something early is always better than waiting for it to get worse. There are many parts of your story where more information would be needed to give you acurate advice. But from what you said my advice is as follows.You need to let him know completely and honestly what you are feeling and what you need from him. If he finds it to be funny or acts like he doesnt care, then he really does not care. And you will never to leave that scenario asap for you and your childs wellbeing.If you have family, like parents or siblings that would be able to support you and your child, you need to let them know of the situation. More than often families will be there no matter what. But again, I do not know your full story and situation. Even a friend who could help you would be a blessing.Once you are able to leave, obviously you would need to work and start to be able to support yourself. But understand that your actions will upset him and the possibility of him coming after your child might happen, and that the reason is mostly to hurt you. Unfortunately in situations like this, a child makes things hard and unfair. So you will need to look into the legal matters as well, like getting full custody of your child. Always remember its darkest before dawn. Things always get worse before they get better. But things do get better. You need to be happy, and you need someone who will care and love for your child, as much as they deserve it. I am married and have a step daughter, and my wife was in a relationship for 8 years, since highschool, and had a daughter with a man like him. She was not happy and he would leave them for days at a time, and did not care. He tried to take our daughter when he found out she was with another man, and he lost. Now we are a happy family who love one another and regret nothing. You can be happy and have someone who deserves you, you just have to decide on what you want to do, and how bad you want it. Good luck.
...............................
|
