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female
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anonymous
writes: helloi have just seen a question about someone awaiting a proposal for their partner and they have together for a year....i have been with my partner for seven years!!! and am now wanting to get married. it does not really make any difference if we do get married but now i really want to!i don't know why it doesn't prove anything - I love him very much and and he loves me. it plays on my mind all the time and i don't see any way that he his going to be asking me any time soon. I have hinted and not got a responce. last week I hinted again (after many hints I admit!) and he got upset about too many hints!I am now getting really frustrated about this! its kind of affecting our relationship because i am resenting being in a relatinship for this long without any proposal! We got togeter when we were 19 and I don't wanna scare him off. why can't I just be happy and wait! any advice would be much appreciated! Someone told me that marriage complicates every thing and it certainly does! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (18 April 2006):
Don't hint - talk with him about what he wants out of your relationship in the long run - does he want children, does he want to live with you, does he see himself getting old with you? These are reasonable questions to discuss after 7 years.
If he has a good discussion with you and gives you answers you want, then tell him that you'd like to get married, and the reasons why.
If he says he doesn't want to get married, then try to understand why.
Then you can make an informed decision. And if his answers don't suit, it doesn't matter how much you love him, if he doesn't share your important view of the future, you'd be better off finding someone who does while you're still young.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2006): It's been seven years and you want a formal committment. I can understand your frustration as all your talking, hints, clues is falling on deaf ears. Dear, you want to marry and possibly start a family, someday and there is nothing wrong with that. But at a minimum you need a man who wants to be your husband and is ready to be a future father to your children. You are living with a man you want to marry. He is living with a woman he doesn't want to marry, at least, not right now. Neither of you has a right to impose your decision on the other. Neither of you has a right to deprive the other of what they want. Allowing more time to pass will only frustrate you and make you feel used and put upon. This is what is causing the resentment you speak of. It's the hurt feelings of not feeling valued and loved, dear. So you have to make a decision as to whether marriage/family will ever be in the future with this guy...or not. Marriage will only complicate a shaky foundation that is not solid, to begin with. Marriage is hard work and the payoffs are well worth it, if the love and efforts go into it. Most long term marrieds will tell you...keeping a marriage solid and happy is a life-long process. What happens with many couples who date and/or live together for many years, eventually...time reveals the difference between real love and infatuation. Hard as it is to face, after 7 years, it's time for you to re-evaluate what you have here. I suggest you stop with the hints and have a heartfelt talk and ask him, where he sees you two heading in the future. Tell him to be honest because you may have to decide whether you can continue this relationship with or without marriage. It's up to you...put the ball in his court.
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