A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 16 years this year, very happy mostly all of that time, except for the last 4 years, he's just turned 48, he had a big falling out with his daughter at that time, bacause she lied, and she also had a young baby, and because his famiy thought he was in the wrong, we fell out with them too. Over the last three years I have tried to get him to make friends with his mum and dad and his daughter, but he said his got his principles, and it was up to her to get in touch with him. I managed to convince him to try and make up with his mum and dad, which he did a couple of years ago now and everything is fine with them now. I have been trying to get him to make friends with his daughter, as he is missing out on a granchild. At the same time 4 years ago, he started getting obsessed about getting naked, and not wearing any underwear at all. As soon as he comes home from work he just sits there with nothing on below the waist. I get the impression that he wants people to see him, he's also wanting to have sex in front of the window, so people can see. I have a daughter from a previous marriage she is now 26 and their relationship is fine, except I can't do anything with her, without him trying to make me feel guilty. She confides in me sometimes, but if he doesn't get to know word for word, he gets the right hump, and probably will not speak to me for three days, until I apologise, many times I apologise when I don't know what I've done. The grandchildren have seen his bits hanging out of his shorts, and I told him about it, he wore pants for a week. If any of them or my daughter is staying over, he'll go on the landing naked. He always makes me feel guilty, as if I'm up to something, so I wonder if he is. I'm confused, please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): I dont care if he is going through a midlife crisis or not grandchildren seeing his bits hanging out of his shorts... Come on if he was on the street he would be called a pervy flasher and could be arrested and charged if caught.That probably does not held much but it is true I suggest you remind him of how inappropriate his behaviour is and that if it continues you may lose the contact you have with your daughter and grandchildren of which to you is unacceptable.He has risked other relationships with family members before well ask yourself is it worth being miserable because you think you have to be with this man or that you need this man.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (1 April 2009):
Oh dear, this sounds like a mid life crisis.
He's trying to prove to himself that he's still sexy and adventurous, and not an old man.
I know 48 isn't old but he can see the big 50 approaching and that can't be great.
I think what he needs is a big kick up the arse to show him how silly he is actually being. Unfortunately as he is so stubborn that it might backfire and he may get worse. He was willing to lose his parents and daughter over a silly argument so the same could go for you.
You may have to sadly accept that this is who he is, and then you have to decide if you can live with him, even if he gets worse.
If you tell him you are unhappy and want to separate then he may compromise and accept that he needs to change certain things to make you happy (and stay free of prosecutions for indecent exposure.) But he may throw it back in your face and tell you that he doesn't need you.
This is a tough problem and possibly only one you can solve. You need to face the possibility of life on your own, in your own little place with your own space and life. If that is not something you are willing to consider then you may just have to keep nagging and nagging and nagging and hope he comes round.
Many women your age are starting again and having a great time. Don't think that it's 16 years wasted, or anything like that. It could just be time to move on to the next phase of your life, and that phase may not include your husband.
Good Luck!! xx
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