A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,So, I've been with my partner for over two years now and am still not able to completely trust him. We have a great relationship and love each other very much, and he's never done anything to make me suspect infidelity on his part. We recently got married, and even though he's made what appears to be a life-long commitment to me, I keep fantasizing about him cheating on me. And not just with anyone, but with his ex girlfriend who's had a transformative surgicial makeover since they split. It's paranoia on my part, plain and simple. He broke up with this girl nearly 4 years ago, has not had contact with her since, and only sometimes hears about her through mutual friends. He's said nothing to indicate renewed interest in her, and is constantly telling me how much he loves me, how beautiful I am and how happy he is with me.I don't reveal the extent of my paranoia to him (I'm paranoid, not insane!) but I admit that this fear of him cheating on me with her (or with any woman, really) is beginning to wear me down. I've even thought about the first things I would need to do should I uncover an affair: kick him out and remove his name from our bank account. I love him so much and really want our marriage to work out. My fear of getting hurt is preventing me from being truly happy, however, and being able to completely trust him. Yes, I've had mild relationship trauma in the past that involved someone basically dumping me for an ex (though it didn't work out for him, loser), but how can I stop this trauma from impacting my marriage? How can I learn to fully trust my husband?Thanks in advance!
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affair, broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, infidelity Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, know more  +, writes (17 November 2010):
It does not help you to make yourself sick, what ever happens will come out in the end. so rather wait for it to come out before thinking something up that never even took place. They call it jelousy, because you feel that she is prettier than you. You need to work on your self confidence.He tells you how pretty you are. BELIEVE IT
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 You need to get help soon for your trust issues before you drive yourself insane with worry and believe me some day you will snap at him and regret it. You need to get yourself to a therapist and talk to them about how you are feeling they will look at your situation and give you the correct information to match what you need to get over this. Be prepared for all of your past to be dragged up again and be prepared to be open and honest, it might sound a little bit scary at the moment but it will all be worth it when you feel happy and secure with your marriage.
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