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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Dear CupidsPlease advise me here im in a Shakespearean tragedy... My boyfriend is planning to marry the person that he got pregnant. This girl was his ex, which we found out she was pregnant with his child. He did not cheat on me, they have broken up for real, and she discovered that later The problem is that I really love him and he loves me too. Yesterday we had a talk, We have been having these talks for long now. As clear as I am about the situation but I cannot let go that easily. I feel like me and him belong together, not the other woman. What confuses me also is the fact that, this other woman is far away, they do not stay together. This makes me to doubt the depth of their relationship, because he is always with me. He gets nervous and scared around me, which makes me feel so bad. Yesterday he made it awkward when he came to visit me. As I went to a friends place to fetch some things, he was supposed to wait for me at the entrance. When I got outside he was gone and he drove off. He later called me and said he got scared and decided to run away. We see each other and call each more often but he wants to stay with me for a very short time. He gets nervous every time i mention the issue of his marriage. Yesterday he told me that he wants to be with me but at the same time he is in a dilemma. He told me that he will try not to contact me even though its not easy, coz its misleading me. He also asked me what do i want, He asked me if its a good idea for us to carry on dating, but i can only do that when i know at the end of the day he is going to change his mind He likes to insist on kissing me and hugging me. I told him that his affection deceives me into thinking that he is in love with me. Even his behaviour makes me feel that he is really in love with me, not the other woman, but he wants to do what is best for the baby. I told him that I cannot date him while he is still seeing somebody else, let alone planning to marry that person. I wish he can just be selfish for once, and do what is in his heart... I don't want him to marry but to be a responsible father to his child. At the same time there are no guarantees that we are soul mates....The problem is that I find myself not meaning what i say. One minute i am fine and convicted he is not the one. The next I want him back...Logically I am fine, id like to think he wasn't for me, but why is it hard to let him go... why do i have faith in this relationship, if he wasn't the one??? He really cares about me. Another thing that freaks me out is the fact that, I have never seen him with the other woman. I wish to see them so that i know its real. I doubt the depth of their relationship. Please advise me whether i should let him go, or stay. Yesterday he also mentioned that, maybe he needs to let go of me and allow me to date other people. Even though in his heart he still want to have me as his girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): Hi I would like to respond to ur questions, thanks for the advise... we are both in our mid 20s Im 26 and he is 27... guys this is really eating me up... i would appreciate response from men also.... I need to know what to do in this kind of situation. I know I should learn to let go... but its not easy... Part of me wants to just carry on with the r/ship even though my conscious is clear
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Your man is in a position where he is so overcome by news of the baby that he can't see how he can be a father without being part of the same household. Can you make him see that he doesn't need to marry his ex to be a good father? Tell him you'd support his right to see the baby and of course the baby would be welcome to stay with you both anytime. However if he's still being nervous and weird with you maybe he's trying to use this as an excuse to break up with you and is too spineless to come out and say it, in which case you deserve better anyway.
CD
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A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 It's never easy to let go. Where is this leading your life? what will the future be like if you stay with him? He seems like he's afraid to commit to her but in a hury to comit to you, Shes the one getting his ring. Not only that but they are having a child together. Sometimes the crualty is in that the love you have lingering is something you dont get alot and you dont realy want it to go. holdng on is destructive. This one, if it isnt over it is going to be a lot of pain and drama untill it is. Patience is the hardest thing for someone in your position. I would sit back and wait, you'll see how they are together and be able to learn how he is when hes commited. Mostly you are attached to someone who is involving you in some relationshipo with another woman. he is scared to talk to you is strange to me, though. I have no idea what to make of that but it sounds like rough waters if you try to stay the course. its up to you but it will not be easy, that much is certain. if he is i fact inlove with you his marriage will not last at all. so that you have going for you in the sense of you two being together, but what will happen to that precious baby? What will that poor child have to endure. It sounds like the kids isnt even born yet and already dads in a love triangle and marrying momy though he loves the other girl. Alot to be considered here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): You say he really cares about you but how can he if he is contemplating marrying the mother of his child? I can understand his response to the baby but not the other. He is with you. Just how old are you two. He sounds quite young and immature. Do you love him? If that was me i would tell him to go and marry her if he feels that way, he can't love you and want to marry her! Get rid and move on and meet someone who completely wants you 100%.
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): This guy has too many problems for you. It seems like he might be seeing the girl, without it being too obvious. From a cheater's view, he might be sensing that things won't work out between you two, but he doesn't want to just cut you off. I'm sure he really does care about you, but be the stronger woman and just let him decide what to do himself. I can't tell you how many times I've wished I'd cut off contact first, because if you do, they always come back...
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