A
female
age
36-40,
*tarburstGrin
writes:Any help would be so greatly appreciated! Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about three and a half years and we went to college together, graduated together, and now I am working and he is in law school. We barely get to see each other so it's usually on the weekends when his friends get to see him too. This past particular weekend was his friend's birthday so he wanted to do the things they had planned both Friday and Saturday night, so I agreed to go with them. On Friday night, after hanging out at the bar and having a good time, a girl friend of mine showed up too and had a chance to hang out with me and my bf and he seemed to be having a good time talking to us and giving her advice about what to get her bf for Christmas. So then everyone comes to my house except my friend bc she is going to go pick up her bf to bring him to meet everyone at my house. So I was thinking that everything is going really well! Me and my boyfriend and having a good time with our friends and everyone is happy. And I am telling all his friend how smart he is and how I think he is so handsome etc. and my friend is agreeing with me and he was so happy and seemed to be eating it up! But... After we are all got to my house they all leave very suddenly to go get food and my boyfriend jumps in his car to follow after them and asks if I am coming with him when they didnt say anything about us coming or wait for us or anything!(we all had been riding all together in the same car all night btw)...so they left us! So I tell my bf does he even know where they are all going and why is he chasing them around town when they didnt even invite us! (His friends were being kinda rude to him earlier in the night) and I didn't get why he couldnt wait for me and my friend and her bf and then we could all go meet them together! So then he started getting upset and he said he was gonna go home he was tired of me always being mad at him... but the thing was I wasn't mad at him I was mad that they left and that he would want to chase someone that treats him like that. So anyways he said that he was going home and left so I called him and he answered: "What?!" so I said "What is the deal?" And he said " I cant stand you always being mad at me and I need some space I will talk to you tomorrow!" So I said "I agree I guess we need space, so can you please bring me back the key to my house and get your things and can we be civil about taking a break?" and he said "I am not coming back there tonight!" and hung up on me. And I haven't heard from him since... that was two days ago, we usually talk every day. Do you think we will get back together? We are fighting a lot, and I know its bc he has a short temper from being stressed with school and working but he can't really talk about his emotions. He just leaves and last time we fought and he left I followed him to his place and gave him a hug and he apologized and made up, but he said this time that he needs space and hung up on me, so I am not going to chase him. What do y'all think? What does it mean when he needs space? Is it over? I am so sick to my stomach about it I can't eat. I love him very much and I told him that when he was leaving out of my driveway... I said "I love you and I want you to stay and wait for my friend with me so we can go meet up with them all together like we planned and not go looking for your friends that left you"It seems like he is always chasing the friends that are not nice to him and doesn't want to hang out with his nice friends that compliment him and make him feel worthy. Please help! Thank you so much!!
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a break, christmas, get back together, needs space Reply to this Question
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female
reader, StarburstGrin +, writes (19 October 2010):
StarburstGrin is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much for your advice. bernard, yes... I don't need the bullX in my life... but I do love him and it hurts for this to happen for sure. If it is not meant to be, maybe I won't hear from him. Anonymous, I think he may be allowing these bad male friends in his life bc his dad treats him very poorly and it may be bc that is what he is used to in male relationships, or he is desperate to make a close male relationship work bc he needs to feel that void... but that is just my speculation. He has said before that he needs male friends bc he feels like he has no father figure.
I still have not heard from him... he is busy all week during school/work so it is very hard for him to contact me during the week even when we are getting along, so I don't expect him to make much effort during the week... maybe this weekend... what do y'all think? Did our almost four year old relationship really just end this abruptly? I'm so crushed :/
:'( :'(
Do you think I will hear from him/he will make it up to me?? :(
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Friends that are "not truly friends" are dangerous for relationships as well as individuals.
These are the type of friends that will be destructive to the relationship (and it sounds like they already are).
People who develop "friendships" like this are also hard to be with and around long term because they keep getting sucked into nonconstructive relationships.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): First, the fighting. If he is stressed out from school like you say, then fighting would only add to the stress. Is it fighting over petty stuff (saying it is because he is stressed from school implies petty). If it is petty stuff, then try to minimize it, fighting always hurts a relationship. Don't fight him over it if it's not important. If the fighting is the root cause of this break, then you need to find a resolution to that or whether this break is fixed or not there will be another.
As for what to do now, if it has been two days, you should try to contact him. If he won't talk to you, that is his answer. If he will, try to work things out with him.
In telling him about how his friends are not good for him, use specific examples.
You say "It seems like he is always chasing the friends that are not nice to him and doesn't want to hang out with his nice friends that compliment him and make him feel worthy." Can you find the reason for this? (it may be impossible).
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