A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 5 months pregnant now, and I've recently found out that at the beginning of the relationship my boyfriend had been mentally cheating, still in love with his ex, planning on going back to her and leaving me. Never found out if he cheated physically or not, and it seems that I never will. He swears for the Holy Bible that he hasn't, but he also swore he didn't even have a contact with her, when the truth was he was planning on leaving me and he was talking to her still as if they were boyfriend and girlfriend and even reporting himself! Then supposedly he had a revelation: he really fell in love with me and he was just not over his ex because she had made him suffer and he just wanted revenge and well, I will never know the truth because I can't get into his mind. He did stay with me, he was the best boyfriend in the world and I never found out. He though I would leave him someday so became obsessed with keeping me and then he got me pregnant on purpose. A looong story. Then I found out about this that had been going behind my back for the first 4 months of our relationship or so. Now I'm broken, I feel betrayed and I don't trust him anymore, but I love him and I can't deny. I could leave him but our baby is on the way and I wanna try for the baby. I just can't move on from this because people say don't look back in the past, look forward but the fear of loosing him again and being betrayed again is so deep...So I wanna give him another chance but I wanna make sure that he don't ever cheat on me again and I wanna get something back from all this I had to suffer. Because his ex will always be there and honestly, she won't ever care about my feelings or the family she's destroying because she feels he was hers first, and that I've taken him away from her. Some things you should know: we are both very sexual but I'm not promiscous. Who knows who is he but he's definitely had a past. I'm the sensitive girlfriend, very feminine, VERY POSSESIVE but also very committed, the best friend, very VERY sexual also insecure but try to hide it. She also has ALL of this, including that she's desirable because their relationship was always forbidden by her family and she left him for another boy who's now with her, don't know if she's as sexual as we are because that's really important to him, he calls her a whore but I know she's a nice girl that played him. And he will never get over it. She's my same age, lost her virginity to him, was with him for like 2 years or 3...you imagine the rest. So the day I broke up with him, he had gotten a tattoo of a cupcake ''in my honor''. That's just bullsh*t for me. He has more tattoos in his arms of random things that ''have meaning to him'' and he has talked before about getting my name tattooed, or even a blonde doll which resembles me, so I want him to get my name tattooed in proof of his committment to me. WAIT, I'm not stupid:*I know this could not be a barrier for him cheating neither physically nor mentally but at least if I'm going to give him another chance I want something back from all I've suffered.*His ex, I want her to stay away! I know this could not happen because she could get over the tattoo and still want him and still be there but I want her to see MY name on his skin, know she's doing wrong, I want her to feel! inmature enough, I know but that's just human nature*If I leave him, I leave him marked..............Don't be hard on me, I'm just a pregnant 17 year old who's lived too fast, dealing with all this and with hope in God that he'll give me and my baby a happy ending.
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best friend, broke up, cheated on me, fell in love, his ex, insecure, move on, revenge, tattoo Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (5 August 2012):
I think you both got into this too quickly in particular the getting pregnant bit. him getting or not getting a tattoo isnt going to change anything, the best thing you could do is talk to him and tell him how he has hurt you and how you feel compromised what with being pregnant from him. you are very young to be in this situation but you have to remember if someones going to cheat they're going to cheat, nothing will stop them to be honest and it would be his loss not yours. I hope you have told your family about being pregnant as they can support you as he doesnt sound great to be honest.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 August 2012):
 It's his body, so you can't "make" him get a tattoo.
And honey, "marking" him doesn't make him any more faithful or make him yours. That is something only HE can do.
Because of the baby he will ALWAYS be in your life/child's life whether he likes it or not, whether you like it or not.
It seems to me that he isn't ready to be a father, to have these responsibilities as he is acting like an immature brat.
You need to find out what you can accept in a relations hand what you can't and then talk it over with your partner, see if the two of you can come up with a compromise.
I don't agree with Flynn24 - emotional cheating IS cheating. Cheating is cheating no matter how you look at it. And "all lowing" the guy to be with you while he still carries on an emotional "affair" with the ex, is like telling him it's OK.
As scary as it is, you might be better of without this guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): Is this really the sort of relationship you want your child to be a part of?
He might be a great father... many young men are. But a love-less relationship is not a good place for a child to grow up in, and believe me that kids is gonna see through any fake smiles and happiness you choose to use to lie to it with.
You don't BRAND a person. We are not slaves, to be owned or claimed.
He should cut off contact with his ex, immediately. But at the same time you must understand that an emotional infidelity is not really infidelity at all. We cannot control what we think... only what we do and say. So long as choose NOT to act on any thoughts regarding this old flame, you should be okay.
But if you cannot get past this, and it will require tremendous work on both your parts, you need to consider the future. Whether you raise the kid alone, or you split custody, remember you CAN still achieve your dreams... it will simply be harder.
Flynn 24
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