A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I would like it if someone could help me out here. Okay, In 2 weeks, I would have been going out with my bf for a year:)We are both each others 2nd serious relationship. his ex, made him miserable - always cheated on him and broke up with him. I on the other hand did this to my ex bf, I cheated on him, due to the fact that I was very unhappy in the relationship. We both know everything about each others past. When we first started going out. He wouldnt like to text me alot, i would only hear off of him sometimes at the end of the night, or we would even skip a day not talking. We rarely seen each other at all and when we did, he included his friends. Sometimes, I would ask him when we were seeing each other next and his response would be "I dunno, I'll let you know" - I used to cry to my friends sometimes, cause I didnt know if he even wanted to be with me, also, I brought up my ex when we first started going out, ONLY cause my new boyfriend moved to my city because he was moving there for his last year of uni (he planned this before we met) and got a transfer to a new job - where my old bf worked. So I told him about my ex, he then told me about his, and i felt bad for him, cause genuinely, he is a lovely guy and i didnt know how she could of done anything wrong to him.He started saying things, like "in my past relationship, we met everyday and we didnt see our friends, so thats why i am not seeing you that much, cause iv learned from my past" - and also, he used to call his ex a whore and sound really angry at her, I questioned him a few times about this and he said that he hates her. and wouldnt care if anything happened to her because she hurt him so much that he calls her his biggest regret.when we were going to bed one night, he said "good night, love you" - I returned it, and also added, i love you "MORE" he didnt answer, so i said "your a bad boyfriend, your suppose to say it back" - as a joke of course, then he flipped saying that he thinks its immature and its as if im questioning his love for me, he said that by me saying love you more - brought back how it was like with his ex, that she used to say stuff like that him and she hurt him, he said he hated how he was with her, as he done everything for her and was lovey dovey - and she hurt him. i threatened to dump him after hearing that, as it rang alarm bells in my head. he said he is over his ex and said that he doesnt know how to act with me and he is trying not to jump in 100% and act like we have been going out for years, he said that i was the one for him and that he loves me and i am the best thing that has happned in his life. Now, he has changed, ALOT. He texts me in the morning everyday and calls me in the evening, he always wants to meet me and says he loves spening time with me and that he wants a future with me. i believe him when he says it, I dunno, I know I am young but he seems real. He has started to now care - if someone in a club chats me up, he gets slightly jelous and comes up to me to kiss me - to show that we are togeather.I go on holiday in two weeks time with my friend and he is constantly telling me that he is going to miss me and he hugs me when he says this and doesnt let go for minutes - I really do love him and he always tells me how beautiful I am and he says it infront of his friends and he is lovey dovey infront of them wheresas beofre christmas, he seemed slightly distant.I have spoken to him about this and asked if he has changed because i moaned at him with his texting or meeting up and the way he acts and he said no. he said that this is the real him and he only wishes that when we first started going out that he acted the way he does now, he says before he was a bad boyfriend and a dick. he says that he had no feelings for his ex, he just didnt know how to act with me cause he didnt want to mess things up, or act to serious with me incase it scared me off. he has called me his exs name twice, both occassions its where I have been talking about her. we have spoken about her (I have brought her up) for at least 20 mins with her name being thrown around a few times - the first time we done this, he was sleepy and was falling asleep, after i asked him about her, he answerred it and said "good night, ally" he jumped up immediately and appoligsed and said he was tierd, she was not in his thoughts, it was because we were speaking about her minutes before. I got angry and didnt speak to him, that night he bought me roses. and nearly cried to me. the 2nd time, was last weekend. my sister is adamant that it is wrong and says she would dump her bf for it, i brought up his ex again and we spoke about her for 20 mins, after the conversation he hugged me and said "your the only one for me Ally" he appoligsed and hugged me and was so sorry, he kept appoligsing, after speaking to my sister i spoke to him about it saying that it wasnt right (i threatened to end things with him, and said i was conviced he still likes her) he said he doesnt, and then he said "i dont want to guilt trip you, but she is not in my thoughts, she only pops in my head when you bring her up in conversations, thats the only time i do say her name" he then said sorry and that he is an idiot. he is dyslexic - and often gets friends names wrong, sometimes. sometimes, he has to really think about things too. he says he its no excuse for getting names wrong, even for people he has known for years, and that he has to think more before he speaks. And his mother tells him this alot too whenever he tells her things that argue about, as he just says whatever pops into his head frist and doesnt think about how it may sound.my question; due to seeing to different extremes of him. distant/not caring to caring all the time/cant get enough of me, i sometimes dont trust him, i dont know why, he isnt interested in any girls, even when we fist started chatting, you could clearly see he was shy and didnt know what to say to me, i asked him if he was going to kiss me and he went all bashful and red, before doing so, so he really isnt going to chat up a girl is he?? we were both invited to a party tomorrow night, i cannot make it now as my friend is going out for his birthday, so now i am going there instead and i just dont trust him and i dont know why. should I have any reason to doubt him?also, is he truely over his ex? is the name thing really a mix up?my sister says the phrase "your the one for me ... " is meant to be special and the fact he said his exs name is strange and werid. thanks for readingx
View related questions:
broke up, christmas, his ex, I love you, immature, my ex, on holiday, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BJacobs  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Im not a huge expert on stuff like this but i have done the same thing your boyfriend has in the past. since his ex left such a negative impression on him she MIGHT be somewhat on his mind alot (which would explane the mix up with your name). That being said he probably doesnt think "oh i want my ex back sooo bad" its probably more "oh i hate her so much for cheating on me". I wouldnt listen to your sister i would just go with what feels right because from the sound of things he truely does love you and to break up with him over a mix up of names is a huge over reaction. So all in all i would say yes he is over his ex and i wouldnt worry one bit about it. As for trusting him i would, because obviously he knows that cheating really hurts your partner. So More likely than not he wouldnt want to hurt you.I dont know if i helped but i sure hope i did!
|
