A
female
age
36-40,
*xangelinaxx
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months now. Our relationship was fantastic, madly in love, couldnt keep our hands off eachother, loved spending time with each other etc. We had a little dis-agreement a couple of weeks ago and i told him that i needed a few days apart and that i wasnt sure about the relationship, but i only said this because i was angry. he then told me that he wasnt sure about this relationship either and that he too wanted a break. it devastated me. he told me that he doent know if he wants a relationship and he doesnt know if he has ever loved me. i begged him that i could prove to him that we could work.a couple of days later he finished it. but rang me the next day to meet up and talk, so i went. he agreed to give it another go which only lasted a day then he finished it again. AGAIN the following day he txt me like normal, like nothing happened?? I was out with my friends one night and he turned up, sat with me all night like nothing had ever happened. the next day we agreed to meet up and again we both decided to give it another go. But it didnt feel right. he said that he still doesnt know what he wants, but wants to give it another go. hes hot with me one moment then cold with me the next. Im so confused!! we were with eachother last night and i noticed that his mobile phone was off, i was worried to ask him about it incase he flipped but i had to. he said that its because he didnt want any of his friends ringing him and waking us up, but i have doubts about what he is telling me. i need HELP!! how can things change literally over night! i just want to go back to how we were :(Can we make it work?Does he want to be with me?is he just getting me back for saying i wanted a break and not knowing what i want?Please Help! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): ive just come out of a relationship like this and i feel sooo much better for doing it...i miss him yeh but its so worth it.
A
female
reader, xxangelinaxx +, writes (25 July 2009):
xxangelinaxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know its just so hard. but i keep thinking to myself. that he was the one who wanted this relationship, he was the one who told me he loved me. he was like the perfect boyfriend, caring, kind, loving. how can it change over-night... literally! we still go on dates and ring each other and txt eachother all the time. i dont know if its because i read into the txt messeges too much! we dont have sex everytime we are together. we talk, laugh cuddle. i dont know if its me just being paranoid because i read into everything what he says and his body language. would you recommend talking to him now and ask him what he is feeling or wait for abit because it has only been a week since we got back together? or just leave it and see what happens and maybe it will all go back to how it use to be. we had such a amazing relationship :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): Stop with the confusion. Be strong and think sensibly here. Look at his actions and stop believing the 'words'...talk is real cheap here. I need to be blunt so forgive me. You want to hopefully get the relationship back on track again...he has no intention of doing that. I am guessing you both still have sex occasionally. If so, you need to save your pride here and put the brakes on that. Why? Because he's happy to continue boinking you but he still have his freedom-no committment, no work or efforts. How do I know this? I read about the issues you mention in your posting, 1) he finishes the relationship. but calls you the the next day to meet up and talk. 2) he then agrees to reconcile but -he breaks it off again. This is a pattern..he's indecisive (due to immaturity, likely) and if you are having sex with him..you are well on your way to become his booty call. Don't do that to yourself.Learn to discern actions here, girl. He is showing you all the tell-tale signs that he is not very committed to you. You may love him, but I feel he not on the same page.. At least not in the mature, committed way you want him to love you. I think he only 'thinks' he loves you but it's sporadic. Because other days, he decides he doesn't love you. When we love someone in the truest sense, there are no doubts, it isn't sporadic. When we love, we are by that woman's side, and there is no doubts because love is given freely to the other and there would be absolutely no confusion. There's too much dysfunction here...a sign that one of you has stopped loving the other. He has disengaged emotionally, but he likes physical aspects. Or he'll like it until another female walks into his life. And then where will that leave you? I don't think you should put much hope on this guy. It's likely-you probably could never get him to commit until he has done some serious maturing and growing up. He seems to only want you when he wants some fun, some affections, some canoodling, some sex. If so, then he is not considerate nor respectful of you. Consideration, respect, honor...very, very critical key ingredients in a healthy, mature love relationship. So how do you stop this? Again..I repeat. You stop being confused, you stop listening to his words...and you discriminate his intent by using your brain and really looking at his actions. After you finally see what he's doing, you gather your pride and ask yourself..."do I want to be on-call just for him, when I could be out there meeting other awesome people and getting on with my life?" Be a strong, smart girl, build your confidence and decline meeting with him. Why do this? Because your self-respect is kicking in and you will not be 'on call' anymore, your self value is high and he's playing with your emotions and knocking you off balance...keeping you keen. This is not love-this is very self involved behavior on his part. He's only thinking of what he gets out of these little meetings with you. Go for the gold (which is you, of course) and be good to yourself. Dump him, grieve, mourn the loss, recover. So he doesn't put you through that, again. Remember, when we love someone, he should be a guy who cares as much about your feelings as he cares about his own. You don't have that guy right now. Relationship values only have the power we infuse into them. It takes grit, courage and will (and sometimes discomfort) to uphold those values. He's failed you. Move on...and take care of you. Just keep being strong and when you are ready..there will a be a wonderful guy out there, who will love you in a mature healthy, way. But wait to recover from all this crap with the current ex-bf and heal first. Look out for yourself here. Just my take..take it or leave it. Be happy, hun xxoo
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