A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together a month now, before that we were good friends. It took him a week or so to come round to the idea of us being together but we made it official and things were good, up until last week. normally we would make plans and arrange when to see each other but this week he's not made any attempt to see me, when normally he would and we'd plan together. Wednesday I rang him to ask about this and then eventually suggested thursday. so that was that, yesterday came and he cancelled, giving a really petty excuse and said i'll see you tomorrow (friday), but it seemed like he was reluctant, and he never usally cancels. aside from him cancelling tonight he hasn't tried to contact me when normally he would text random stuff. He's been on fb plenty though. Alongside this, he has a good female friend who he is going to see at the weekend and stay over as she lives a couple of hours away. I wouldn't normally worry except they have slept together in the past, but he assured me before that they are just mates. the fact that he's been distant with me coupled with him going to see his friend at the weekend is making me worried... i don't know how to deal with either, at the moment i've just left him alone and waiting for him to contact me again. i know i should trust him, i don't care about him having female friends but it's the staying over bit i'm not comfortable with and he is aware of that. But by him being distant this week and not really talking about his weekend plans is making me worried about where i'm at with him :S
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2015): Thank you for your responses. I think the trouble is i'm dealing with really bad anxiety and little things like this, that shouldn't, is fueling it. I do trust him but when I get anxious I start thinking the absolute worst of everything.
He doesn't, well didn't know this. We met up on the friday and everything was great so I wondered if it was just my anxiety that was thinking something was wrong.
Yesterday came, the day he saw his friend, and I was so anxious I ended up calling him and asking about the sleeping over thing again. He was pretty annoyed, I apologised after when I realised how stupid it was to have called him, and he said he would talk to me later. I sent a text basically saying that i don't want to do this over text but i do have anxiety and sometimes it gets the bettr of me.
That was yesterday and it's now the morning and i've not heard anything, I'm assuming the worst is going to happen which is he'll break up with me :/
I know him having a friend stay seems iffy but I should have just ignored my worries and trusted him because I don't think he would do anything like that to me.
I am anxious about other things too and it's all come to a head.
A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji +, writes (21 November 2015):
 He doesn't sound like he's taking you as serious as you're taking him. What's the need for him to stay at this friends house? And how did they come up with the conclusion that staying over whilst the guy has a girlfriend is also ok? You're being too soft on the situation. You might need to set some boundaries after he comes back if you want it to work. The relationship is quite new so this is the best time to set rules
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (20 November 2015):
 Honestly? I think you should take it back to friends- or aquaintences- After a MONTH he's already being shifty, secretive and uncaring about your wishes! I'm sorry but he is being distant and he's not being honest about why.
You're not overracting- in this "honeymoon period" you should both be completely mad for each other- lovingly doting on every whim and wish of eahc other- not distancing himself while he makes plans to STAY THE NIGHT with an ex??? Not just like having a female friend which IS fine, as you realise... Would he be ok with you doing the same??
What's particularly important is that he knows that you're (rightly) anxious about this- but he's still intent on doing it.. his behaviour doesn't equal loving, caring boyfriend it equals shifty cheat...
Im ever so sorry but I don't think he's into the relationship- he's a "love" rat that has likely started up with this old flame, (why else would he be so intent about staying the night with someone he used to have sex with- AGAINST your wishes?)and isn't man enough to break it off with you.. it's not a reflection on you, just the kind of character that thinks it's ok to lie and string people along.
I think after a month you've had a lucky escape- you may have been friends for a while, but be strong and distance yourself- his behaviour is pretty audacious and quite likely deceitful, you can do without...
Also be wary about any false grovelling because actions speak louder than words- his actions speak volumes.
Take care!
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (20 November 2015):
Oh dear....from any perspective this doesn't look good.....
You've been seeing each other just month- you should be all over each other - unable to get enough of any contact. You should be beaming with the attention he is giving you eight now.
Yet the reality is he is backing off, you can see he's on fb- using the same phone he could easily message you on.....and he's staying at a female friends whom he's slept with in the past.
Honestly, it doesn't bode well any of this....if you can not contact him and keep it up, I think that's the way to go. If he wants you he'll come to you, if not it sounds over I'm afraid to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2015): I'm going to be brutally honest here. You say "it took him a week to come around to the idea of us being together" and that doesn't sit well with me.
Along with him not really making an effort to see you it doesn't seem like he wants to be in the relationship. You've only been together for a month, you should still be in the 'honeymoon' stage where you can't stay away from each other and text ALOT.
I think you should just have no contact with him this weekend, go out with your friends and enjoy yourself, and leave him to it. It'll do you no good whatsoever sitting at home obsessing about why he hasn't text you, and torturing yourself about him and his friend. Have a chat about everything when he's back. Have a think about what you really want from the relationship with him, can he give you that? Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 November 2015):
 Would he trust you,sorry maybe I should say like you, sleeping over some guys house that you had previously had sex with? The reason I would assume he is being distant atm is because he knows its wrong and doesnt want to be having to deal with you asking questions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2015): I think you should go and sleep over at your friends and stay the night and have sex or not as you choose because that's putting you on an equal footing as thats the choice hes got for himself.
Your relationship isnt hatched so dont coop yourself up for him.
Get out to a party if you have a friend whos holding one.
Why are you prematurely coupling and taking it on so.
Just enjoy your weekend without thinking of him and see if theres anyone out there who would make a more interested partner.
o
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