A
female
age
30-35,
*ulu55
writes:I really like my boyfriend, we've been dating for 4 months now and we go together really well... he came out of a confusing family and ran away from home at 16 to live with his aunt. Ever since leaving home he's been working hard for money and trying to succeed in life. I'm so attached to him just as he is to me but the problem is that he's a jealous guy. I don't let him control the relationship which i feel very proud of standing up for myself. I like to hang out with my friends, one night i went for a walk with my friends in the city to go clothes shopping. He called me multiple times asking what i was doing and how i was, he didn't sound angry or anything but it seemed unnatural that he would be calling so much. I realized that he's been doing that often. i confronted him about it and he stopped. Now i don't know if it'll start again but i hate being controlled and i never let it happen. If i want to go somewhere then i go, if i want to do something i do it (if it's fair) he's insecure and i think he thinks i'll cheat on him or he doesn't trust other guys. he also believes that when you have a boyfriend, you shouldn't be going out at night with your friends really late. and since he's been living basically alone since 16 (he is now 21) he thinks that girls who go out at night with friends, go out to look/flirt with guys because that's all he's seen growing up. but in a "sophisticated" area girls go out just to hang out with one another and shop or out to eat etc.! I want to show him this other type of life. but he needs to trust me. and i will never let him control my life with my friends. his guy friends all go out at night to hang out with girls or clubs or w.e and he doesn't know what just simply hanging out is..its crazy! i'm surprised he turned out the way he did because his morals and values are great. but this bothers me alot that he gets jealous like that. what can i do? he gets mad at me if i go out at night with my friends and he says that i go out late with and not with him which isn't true!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): If you are that unhappy and label him controlling- they why date him? If it is that much of a bone of contention with you- then it is you have differing value systems that get in the way of your dating life.
How I am; when I am in a committed relationship, my Man comes first. And if I am in control of helping him stay happy and secure, then I work with him to come up with OUR DATING RULES OF CONDUCT.
Sit with him and discuss what will work and you BOTH agree to abide by these rules of conduct.
Otherwise, its time to end it and date someone who is more compatible with how you VIEW and LIVE, because its not the BF.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): Its good that you havent let him control the relationship. You need to reassure him that if youre choosing to be with him and no one else, and that girls arent always looking to hook up when going out on the town. This is his problem and he needs to work on it. If he cant get over it, its only going to get worse with him.
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