A
female
age
30-35,
*rokenandconfused
writes:so...im 17 and my boyfriend id 19. i've been in a relationship with this guy since i was 15. he has been patiently waiting for me to give the signal to start our sexual conquest together. i'm ready but i still have doubts about the pain and pregnancy. what should i do? should i have sex with him and hope for the best or should i just let him wait longer? help me! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (20 December 2008):
It certainly sounds like you're not really ready yet.
The main reason you give for having sex is that you have been together for two years. This doesn't impress me as being a very good reason, partly because it concentrates on the past. When you can look to the future and say, "We are ready to live our whole lives together, be a family, and have children together." - then you will more emotionally ready to add sex to your relationship.
If you are worried about pain then you have probably aren't physically ready for enjoyable sex. I suspect you don't have much experience with the non-intercourse pleasuring that leads up to full sex. You may think it's amusing or quaint, but I think the non-coital lovemaking of previous generations - necking, petting, outercourse, bundling, sparking, etc - had significant value for learning how to give and receive pleasure with your sexual partner.
Since pregnancy is a significant concern I wonder if you have enough background knowledge to be mentally ready for sexual activity. Other responses have mentioned condoms, but "condoms" isn't the only answer. In fact, I'm not even sure it's a particularly good answer - people of your age, and especially in your situation, are VERY prone to use condoms incorrectly and think they have "protection" when the truth is that they are not protected at all.
Think about why you want to add sex to your relationship. Having sex will not make him love you, nor will it prove your love for him. It can distract you from other growth areas in your relationship. One sad fact is that many teen couples break up shortly after adding sex to their relationship, even if they were together for many months or years before starting to have sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): If you feel ready and you love him then go for it. If you don't feel ready and he loves you, he should wait.
Its not always painful to lose your virginity, as long as he is very gentle and perhaps you use lubrication (available from most pharmacies)then you should be ok, just take it slow. Also, if you think you're ready for sex then talk to him about it, make sure you have condoms and maybe consider going on the pill as well if you are very worried about pregnancy. Both are fairly easy to get. Good luck and make sure you talk to him about protection and about being worried it will hurt, then if he loves you he will make sure you have protection and he will be gentle. If he doesn't then don't have sex with him!!
Good luck xxx
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (20 December 2008):
 yes, make him wait.
also buy condoms. yes. thats right You. because men are crap at getting them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): If you're not ready.. don't rush into it.. If he loves you.. He should understand.. If you have questions about sex.. Do a little bit of reseach on the internet.. I'm sure that will answer a few of your questions..
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A
female
reader, Lizzybeth01 +, writes (20 December 2008):
 No one can really make this decision but you. It's also a decison that requires alot of thought!!! It's not something you need to rush into whatsoever.
The two of you have been together for a while and it's very normal for couples that have lasted that long to start to become sexually active.
You seem to have a very firm grasp of reality and are taking this next step in your relationship with extreme caution and responsibility (I really respect you for that).
In offering you advice, I have one point. DON'T HAVE SEX UNTIL YOU ARE FULLY READY TO EXCEPT THE CONSQUENCES (I.E. a child). No form of birth control is entirely effective. (I'm currently pregnant with my boyfriend of 6 years and I become pregnant on birthcontrol and even took a morning after pill!!!!!!!!!- luckily we've been together long enough and can financially afford it).
Also, You don't want to regret who you lost your virginity too. He will always have it and as cliche as it sounds, you can never get it back.
I say if you're still worrying this much, maybe you're not ready yet. If he's the right guy for you, he'll wait until your ready!
Good Luck! and keep us posted!
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