A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about the month. The problem is when we kiss he gets hard, but when the time comes for us to consummate he becomes soft. We tried two times so far. First time he just put his clothes on and left. Yesterday was the second time. We tried to talk about it. He told me that he is nervous and complicated, and that he thinks it's the best for us to not seeing each other for a while.I don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Thanx for advices...but the problem is that he stop calling...he said that we shouldnt be in contact for a while...should I call him?or wait?and for how long?
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (16 May 2010):
First, talk to him, the fact that he leaves is 100 times worse than not getting hard. You deserve his company regardless. Lots of guys have a hard time getting hard with a new lover - it takes time to relax.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): I wouldn't worry too much about it. The exact same thing happened to my friend, they were both in their late twenties and had been with other people. At first it helped to watch porn while they were being intimate and eventually it worked itself out. The problem is that once it happens, the pressure becomes heavier, and then nerves set in. Maybe you should try and have a glass of wine or a beer and make sure he is relaxed before you try again
Not to be the bearer of bad news though, you may want to consider the possibility he is unable to consumate your relationship because he feels guilty. If you have only been seeing each other for a month, he may be cheating on someone with you, and the guilt stops him from going all the way. Only yoou know the specifics of the relationship, but you may want to look at the whole picture and make sure thats not a possibility. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): Dont worry, maybe try to calm him down make him feel less nervous, teel him you still love him for who he is and that sex means stuff to you but you would much rather be with him and not have sex than to lose him completely. Me and my boyfriend took 7 tries at sex until we could. If you were on top maybe ask him to go on top instead he may feel more comfortable or in control, or vise versa. The time will come one day i promise. Maybe try giving a more sensual feel to the room with candles, puffy cushions, a vanillary room scent and a lovey dovey song. Remember foreplay will help to increase the time he is hard for and when he is hard make no hesitation to gently let him penetrate but ensure he is comfortable and calm. Some condoms can decrease sensitivity so maybe you'll benefit from the pill but just remeber you dont want any diseases. jope that helped. Good Luck and remeber be calm and sexy and playful at same time and he will magically be the same. ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): A buddy of mine had this problem at first with his girlfriend of 1 1/2 years. She confessed that for the first few times they tried to have sex he just couldn't become hard. However, the more comfortable you become with each other the more natural it will become to consummate. He's probably just not ready for sex but you should persist and spend more relaxing time together.
Btw, that couple now have sex 3 or 4 times a day on some days (wish i didn't know that last fact haha).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): It sounds like he is so nervous he can't keep it up. He's probably really embarased about it so tell him you don't mind?
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