A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I've been dating this guy for about 10 months. Our relationship was supposed to be a temporary fling, however to do a change of plans in my moving (out of the country), it turned into an actual relationship. About 5months into our "dating" things started going downhill and we stopped seeing eachother. During this time we would still hang out and be intimate with eachother until he started dating another one of our friends(which he lied abot)- at which time I cut him out. During all the craziness, he had expressed to me that he still has a lot of issues with his EX girlfriend (of 3 years) who he had broken up with about a year ago- a lot of feelings still lingering, etc. About two months after we stopped seeing eachother, we started texting/calling/emailing- saying he misses me and loves me and wants to start seeing me again. I know I probably shouldn't have, but after all the pain I went through those couple of months we were not seeing eachother, all I wanted was to be in his arms. And so we decided to start seeing eachother again. Now we've been seeing eachother for about 4 months (mind you, I use the word "seeing"- we've never been boyfriend/girlfriend because of his commitment issues) and I read some texts on his phone to another girl that were not appropriate, when I told him he said it was just to a friend and he was joking. I let it go. Just last week I found movie ticket stubs in his room to an 11am showing of a film he and I have already seen purchased on the same date as the texts. I threw the tickets at him and asked what the heck that was about- to cut the story down, we talked about it..He went to see his ex- he apologized for lying, reassured me that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me or what we have together but when I asked if he's still in love with his EX, he said I DON'T KNOW. He said "I might be confused about some things, but I know I love you and you make me happy and you're the only one I want to be with- it's just difficult to let go of someone who was in your life for that long" - What do I do?? I am so in love with this man that all I want is for him to hold me so I'll feel like everything will be ok. But I feel like the biggest fool if I let this slide. Please- major need for advice.
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female
reader, thelovebug +, writes (17 August 2008):
take flyspy advice, i couldnt say it any better
A
male
reader, flspy +, writes (11 August 2008):
What a load of BS. You need to learn the difference between being loving and being needy. This guy is a wuss with no backbone. He should tell you he is dating you both. If that's too much for you, move on. But clearly, this guy still seeing his ex- but she's not really an ex if he's still seeing her, is she?
American women have to stop thinking they own a man after two dates. You are pushing him into a relationship he is clearly not ready for. Start dating other people, and let him know it.
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A
female
reader, Destiny28  +, writes (1 August 2008):
I've been down this road before and when X's are involved it's never a good sign unfortunately. He has got serious issues and it sounds like he wants the whole cake and eat it as well. I know what you are going through emotionally. Even though I will advice you on what you should do I KNOW that at this very present moment you are not ready to take that step as you are so in love with this man. I have done the same thing in the past of going back to men (it has happened more then once) after they have done similar things as what has happened to you but the truth is that it will not work in the long run cuz he is not ready to devote himself entirely to you and be with you as he is "unsure" of his feelings etc. I have been in relationships longer then 3 years and when it's over it's over... You are only going to get more hurt unfortunately as he has unfinished business in regards to his ex girlfrined. You are caught in a turmoil and this it is not going to change. Another thing is the damage is done and trust issues are already a major problem. He has already lied to you, how will you ever be able to take his words for what they really are without having to question if he is really telling the truth this time. You will convince yourself over and over again that this can work out and you will stay with this guy until you will one day wake up and say enough is enough. Make sure you got friends around who are there for you cuz to me this is going to get even more ugly and you are going to get more hurt. I truly wish you all the best and that you were strong enough to walk away now!!!!Take care
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