A
female
age
51-59,
*uidance
writes:Please help me. My husband has been having private lunches with a woman 10 years younger than him. The lunches turn I to four hours with drinks and no other coworkers are included. He has been doing this for four years and kept it a secret. We have been married 19 years and have 3 kids. When I asked him about it he lied at first and then reluctantly gave up his phone. I have looked at his phone twice in 19 yes. He says it has just been lunch but she is very pretty and I feel betrayed. Is this forgivable?
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female
reader, Guidance +, writes (29 November 2015):
Guidance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo sad to update but my husband fell in love. She is married but he was pursuing her as patiently as possible. i don't know that I could have kept that from happening but I will spend the next few months leaving him to his pursuit and holding together with the kids. Thank you so much for your help. I knew if I was posting that my hunches were probably right. i am a cliche.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (29 November 2015):
 Personally I would struggle with being able to forgive a four year long deception. A one off, maybe because I'd put that down to poor judgment but four years is poor character. He's been having an affair. Whether or not its sexual but it is defiantly emotional. This might be just the tip of the ice berg so I'd be preparing for some serious full disclosure conversations. Hugs to you
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A
female
reader, Guidance +, writes (29 November 2015):
Guidance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help. It is not the first inappropriate thing he has done, but I will take time with what to do for sure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2015): Four hour lunches? I would feel betrayed as well. It's highly possible that he's cheating. He's emotionally cheating for sure.
It all depends if you want to forgive him. If this is his first and only offense so far throughout your marriage then i don't know. Maybe forgive. But if he's been a dog more often then not. Then idk...
19 yrs and 3 kids. That's serious and not easy to walk away from. Take some time to sort out your feelings. Don't talk to him for awhile. Put him on the couch. See how you feel in a few weeks.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Good Luck.
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