A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, first off I do not want to be slandered on here, I am truely asking for an opinion. My husband and I have been apart for almost 5 months. We filed for divorce last week. During the first 3.5 months I done everything in my power to get him back. THEN, one day I went to the store to buy milk and I noticed a high school love of mine riding around so I rode too. He followed and this continued, so I made my way out of town to see if he follow some more. and he did. we pulled over and talked for awhile and he called me that night to go riding with him. I did. and we ended up having sex on his tailgate. All of those feelings came rushing back. Now the bad part, he is married. He was still living with his wife.(they have been miseralble for years, this is not a secret in town) I know that I should of never went. I was very lonely and I thought it would just be a one time thing. Well here we are a month later. we still see each other on a daily basis. He has moved out and begun the divorce process. He says that he is in love with me and does everything in his power to see me. We are still trying to be a secret because we both have two children and his son and my daughter go to school together. and he is filing for custody of his kids. My husband knows I have someone and does not have a prob with that. He says that when his divorce is final that we will make it public. He is so good to me. Now my question. The past couple of days he has been a little distant. and when I ask him what is bothering him, he says he don't know. I am scared he is having second thoughts. He says that what is going on with him has nothing to do with how he feels about me and he is where he wants to be. I am very insecure because of how my husband done me. Do I sit back and give him time to hurt me? Do you think he is wanting to go home? Or is it just stress of all that is happening? I ask him to please talk to me and he says he is a man, he cant! I constantly talk to him about my feelings and problems. He listens, and comforts me. Last night we were together, he was so excited to see me all day, and when we got together, she started blowing his phone up and his moode went south. the rest of the night he was alittle standoffish. Is he trying to blow me off?? Am I aweful for doing this? I have asked him several times if he wants to stop until his divorce is final and he says no. He said one of the reasons he don't open up to me is that he don't want to think or talk about her.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 October 2008):
 You need to slow down a tad. Your divorce isn't finalized and his is just as unfinished. Take your time, don't start nagging or pressing him to talk, just take a deep breath and SLOW DOWN. In tumultuous times it very important to stay calm and relax. He'll talk to you when he's ready and when he thinks you are going to be a good and patient listener. Go with the flow and see what happens.
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