A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. It took us a while to finally get together in a relationship so I was ecstatic when we did. We've had the most amazing 2 years. We regularly go on city breaks together and do lots of things. I've also been dealing with depression and he's helped me out and been with me every step of the way. It's been perfect. Until recently.. Our sex life has totally gone off. It's not just be it's him too, he would rather sit with his mum and I, and watch tv, rather go to sleep ect than have sex. I make a point of telling him that it drives me insane but to be honest deep down I'm kind of glad that he doesn't want too because I don't either. Also were just back from a city break to krakow and now I can't stand the thought of him wanting to kiss me, hold hands and touch me. I don't know what's gotten in to me and I feel extremely selfish. I've been having fantasies about me with other women.. I don't know what this means of what I should do. I'm unsure if its a blip or if we're over. I must point out that I still love him as a person and he loves me so much. We get on great and I'm not sure if we're better off as friends. Please help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): I'm on medication for depression and it's a well known fact that a LOT of ADs decrease sex drive drastically...
However- when you DO fantasise it's not about him... It's normal to not have a sex drive but it's a sign you're not romantically compatible if you're hot on other things but not him...
I don't have much sex drive but when I had a bf, when I did get hot, it was for him.
Like wise owl said, I think he's picked up on the fact that something has died romantically in the relationship. You're amazing friends, and quite possibly that's all you ever were... How was the sex in the beginning?
I think you should be completely honest with him- say you're feeling very confused at the fantasies, and your sexuality... that you have no sex drive... that you want to take a break at the very least, to try and work your feelings out, because honestly you respect him too much as a person/ friend to string him along.
We can't tell you what's in your heart, but you need to be true to him and yourself, follow your heart, listen to your gut and don't be scared...
:) xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2013): You don't state your age. I assume you may be on medication(s) for treatment of your depression.
It is possible that you may be experiencing temporary side-effects from the medication as far as sex. Depression will also deplete your sex-drive. If you are 18 or younger, it is possible that you may be discovering you are bi-sexual.
You don't mention how you felt about sex with your boyfriend from the beginning. You seem to have enjoyed your relationship in a platonic sense; but sex was probably dutifully given to please him.
You don't suddenly discover over-night that you're gay.
No matter what your orientation is, you shouldn't lead people on to believe you feel the same for them, as they feel for you.
It may be time to change the status of your relationship from romantic to just friendship. I do suggest that you wait until you both are feeling stronger; and can handle emotionally stressful issues.
He may be picking up some things already, and that may be why he isn't bothering you with sex. He might be able to tell that you don't seem responsive, and that might secretly be on his mind.
You have to be truthful with him in any case. You cannot be in a relationship that you aren't really attracted to your boyfriend. It will only end worse by pretending; than if you're honest about your feelings.
If you think you may be attracted to women; he should know eventually. He seems to be getting used to not having sex in the relationship already.
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