A
female
age
36-40,
*riel1210
writes:I am engaged and getting married in 5 months...I discovered my fiance's fat fetish online almost a year ago, and I confronted him immediately. He assures me that he is extremely turned on by me and desperately wants to marry me. I am a tall thin blonde, and I know I am very attractive. I never thought I would have to question my future husband's attraction to me. He admitted to talking to over 50 overweight, sometimes morbidly obese, women online just since we've been engaged. I found hundreds of videos, pictures, emails, accounts, etc but I know he's looked at more than i can imagine since we've been together. He says being a fat admirer is an addiction he's had since he was a teenager, and he has even started therapy now. He has continued to "mess up"; almost once a month i've caught him. It even went as far as him giving out his phone number recently. He tells me he hates this addiction because it is not what he wants in real life. It is completely out of character for him - he is an extremely respectful, loving guy and I've known him for 10 years. I know he is attracted to me because our sex life is great. He has NEVER led me to believe I should gain weight, but he does enjoy the parts on me that do have fat, my butt and boobs, which has occasionally made me feel uncomfortable. So my worry is, why does he gravitate toward obese women if I am enough and everything he says he needs? It has almost destroyed his life a few times, so why would he risk it all for fat women? I can't imagine myself marrying anyone else...he is my best friend and almost my husband, but I don't know how to trust him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): wow, fat fetish?
ok, lets look at the facts here.
1. He's always been an "BBW" lover
2. He has a secret love life with "BBW"
3. He's going to therapy ( lol open your eyes)
4. Continously relapseing
5. He secretly contacts these women
6. He tells you, this "addiction" is not what he want in real life
7. He enjoy the parts on your body that has "fat"
8. He says you're everything he "need", but doesnt mention everything he's always wanted..
Ok, dont mean to come of sounding rude, or like a bitch, but honey your man is and will always be attracted to larger women. Thats just going to have to be something that you can eother accept and deal with it or find a man who doesnt like larger women. Men like to feel softness, not bones. If you cant look at the clues now, then what would it take for you to finally realize he is not going to change? He has been in love with the body of a larger woman all his life, and just because you stroll along doesnt mean you can change his preferences...
Imagine, look at in from a different prespective;
You are attracted to a different race other that your own all your life (and in eyes of society, is is not right). Then you meet your soulmate, your companion evrything you dreamed of in a guy, but the only thing was, he wasnt the race of your high attraction. Youll build this life together, knowing what you truely desire and want, but in your eyes he's fit elsewise. And you overlook your "wants" (not needs), knowing this is the man you are going to marry. And to society, this is not acceptabel. You're not supposed to go aganist the grain. But you just cant seem to get enough of this other race. You love these men. Your guy soon catches you staring at them in public, pictures on youre computer, numbers in your phone, and side line frinds.
You are so caught up in what is "supposed to be your perfect mate, and ideal guy; through eyes of others" that you fail to realize where you true being is at, or what you truely adore. And find yourself lying to your man, and yourself.
Anyway, moral of my stroy is, you may be everything he "need" but not everything he wants. If that is what he likes and you truely love him, put on a few punds, it wont hurt. Show him, and if there are things that you would like him to change, i'm sure he would ne willing to do a little adjusting for you.
Buy truth of the matter is, HE LOVES LARGER WOMEN...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): I think he's hiding behind a "sex addiction" ... it's very trendy nowadays! He needs to own up to the fact that he has been caught out cheating... because he HAS cheated. He may not have physically gone there as yet, but he certainly has emotionally committed down that path.
The trust issue is really the big issue now in terms of moving forward. BUT, it's like addiction - you need to admit you have a problem before you can move on to fix it. He needs to admit that he's done the wrong thing and then he has to decide what he wants... again, remove the fat factor - if he's chatting to other women online & creating new online accounts pretending to be single, giving out his number, he's basically wanting the to have his cake and eat it too - i.e. he wants to be with you, but he wants the thrills and excitement of a single life - meeting new people, getting off on the new etc..
You need to get a commitment from him that he stop - he can say it's a fetish or addiction or whatever, but he needs to put YOU before his own desires ... yes, he can browse online & masturbate at pictures etc, but he has to make a commitment that that's where it stops. If he can't, then you either need to accept that you're in an open relationship, OR you walk.
And, really, even if he does make the commitment to you that he will not pursue this further from now on (no more websites, no more giving his number out), he has to realise that he needs to build up your trust again so you can believe he's sticking to that commitment - and he'll have to realise that will take work on his part & time on yours. Again, best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): The thing u need to know if he wants you because you are the most attractive person to him or because he would feel emberased if his wife was fat and he's doing it just because it's right to date normal weith women.
What does he say if you ask him why did he created those accounts and if he gave his number he obviously didn't just want to stay private and not call or meet one of these obesse women?
I think that the point that they are obesse is not so important as that he was probably trying to cheat on you.
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female
reader, ariel1210 +, writes (1 June 2010):
ariel1210 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys, that does make sense. I guess I've obsessed too much over the weight issue because it's hard to not take a fetish personally when it's the opposite of what I am.
I guess my next question is where do I draw the line? He was a member of multiple dating websites, yahoo groups, and even made a facebook account under another name. It was a pretty big shock when I found out he had given out his phone number. I don't think he would ever meet up with these women, but it sucks when he works constantly and I realize he may be giving other women more attention than he is giving me.
Also, many people have considered this a sex addiction because while he loves me, he continues to talk to other women about sex. He says his compulsions and obsessions with obese women about their weight gain, and even participating in feeder/feedee relationships, started long before me, but I didn't consider it a problem until he was in a committed relationship. He says he tried numerous times to stop because of his religious convictions and because of past relationships. He recognized that his compulsion was affecting his every day life. Could the "sex addiction" just be an excuse for his actions? And will I ever be able to fully trust him again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): It really doesn't matter what he's attracted to ... we all have little fantasies that are separate to our partners & often the fantasy is something so completely opposite to what we want in reality (i.e. my husband is the most beautiful, kind, gentle, loving bloke & I fantasise sexually about real bad boy types, even though I'd NEVER want to be treated badly in real life).
The important thing is what he does with it after the fantasizing. If he is able to view / masturbate to it and is able to maintain a healthy sex life with you, then it's no different, really, to men that look at ordinary porn and get off on that. Where it's going to be problematic is where he acts on it, because that's a betrayal -- i.e. if he contacts one of these women. That's where you do have to draw the line & pull him up. Take out the fat factor - treat this as if it were just another woman he was dealing with... getting or giving phone numbers is an active step down the cheating path and THAT is the real issue.
My advice would be to make a deal with him that he can have that as his fantasy and get off on it without judgment, but he must be faithful and what the consequences will be if you find out he has taken active steps with it (i.e. cheating).
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): did he ever had sex to obesse woman?
I had the same fetish but once i acctualy did have sex, it was gone because it discused me after . but it did't really affected my life before that it's like some guys have a thing for asians but that doesn't mean they don't like anything else.
It's feels weird now when i think back how i was obsessed with that because i find it now very asexual and gross. But i had a really skinny girlfriend at that time and i just sometimes had a feeling to masturbate over it but i really really enjoyed sex with her and it didn't cause me any problems or i had a feeling to do something with obese woman because it didn't matter if she was fat or not because it's cheating.
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