A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My guy has been gone for three months because of a work project in Costa Rica and he's supposed to come back in early Nov. Today, he told me he might have to go back again but it's voluntary-he wants to go back. Ok. But then he says he's missed me and texts/calls me as much as possible. We've been going out almost two years but, if he goes back, I'm done. It seems to me like he just doesn't care. My first relationship was a four year LDR, I'm patient. My ex had no choice though...this man does. I'm tired, I want a man who's there and no matter how much I care for him, I can't deal with him purposely doing this. Am I being selfish? Overreacting? Should I tell him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): Hi I am the original poster. Thank you everyone :) Soveryconfused, you are right. My first relationship was at 15, we met while he was in my area, we exchanged e-mails but we were both too shy to go on a date. But, within a month speaking online, we jumped into a LDR. It was so rough, I saw him for the first time after 2yrs and we fell apart because he felt like we'd never be together. This current man lives in my area, he is older than me as you may have guessed. Honestly, all I want from him is...him. He is amazing and to be around him is to be at peace. I just feel like he's not thinking about me in his decision. He didn't want me leaving for my job, so I found a compromise. He didn't even ask me how I felt which really bothers me and makes me uncomfortable. Makes me think we're not as serious as I thought if he can just make decisions that affect us both without talking it over, explaining things.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2011):
 OH yes you need to let him know that you can't do LDR with him any more and that when he's ready to move back and settle down if you are available you will be happy to pick up with him then but that the reason you are ending it is because of the LDR.
LDR sucks. BUT if you guys normally live in the same place (area) and he is doing this FOR WORK and it's TEMPORARY perhaps you want to rethink this.
Jobs are scarce. GOOD jobs even SCARCER... maybe doing the Costa Rica thing is a GOOD thing for his career... maybe he's thinking of the future... maybe a future with YOU... how long will he be gone? can you visit him while he's gone?
he misses you
he texts you
he calls you
WHAT exactly are you missing while he's gone? is it someone to do things with? get some girlfriends to keep you entertained... is it the cuddles and kisses? Can you get a puppy or a cat? I know that when my man and I can't be together (we WERE LDR we are closing the distance in the next month or two) I miss his body in the bed.... I Miss his hugs... but I have his voice on phone and his words in email... and he's but a phone call away if i'm having a bad time... the only thing I don't have is the physical contact...
if you are 21 and your last relationship was a 4 year LDR and you two have been together 2 years that's 6 years...
at 21 that means you have had 2 relationships since age 15... what is it you want from this man? and how old is he?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): If you love this guy what's the problem in allowing him the freedom to pursue his career. It may be voluntary but perhaps at work if he doesn't volunteer it is going to ruin his prospects. I've been with my bf for over 5 years and he's just told me he would like to consider joining the army! I am petrified but I would never leave him over it or force him not to go. I believe a relationship should not put a restraint on the partners life, you are equals and no one has the right to tell someone what they can or can't do. Don't hide your feelings be honest and say it is going to be hard but he will appreciate the support if you agree to be there for him should work be tough and are only a phone call away. Perhaps there is time you could fly out there and have that arranged? X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): If he's moving to Costa Rica, then I would suggest sitting down with him and trying to figure out how serious this relationship is and where it's going to go, if anywhere.If he's just planning on spending a set period of time abroad, then it might be best to just let him know how you're feeling. But, while I understand that your relationship means a lot to you (and to him, it seems), people are entitled to pursue their career goals. Maybe just talk it out with him? Best wishes!
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