A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i will start from the beginning. I've been dating a guy for the last 10 months, we met at work but due to his job in the forces he has been re-posted for the last 4 months and we have been long distance but still finding time to see eachother. but i recently went away for a little holiday with him and he's said things that have really confused me about where i stand with him. Basically before he started seeing me he was engaged to a girl who cheated on him with her ex and since then he has had trust issues. He says he trusts me, but at the same time he says to me he does not want to get too close to me as he is scared of getting hurt. But at the same time he has introduced me to his family and has taken me on a holiday. I'm just feeling so confused and a little hurt at the moment as i really don't know what he wants from me. He still texts and calls me everyday, so he still must like me and he treated me like a princess when we were away, but at the same time he pushes me away from getting too close with him. AHHH i feel so frustrated. What more can i say or do to open his eyes to the fact that not every girl is going to hurt him? While he is keeping himself from getting hurt all the time he is just hurting me. I really care for him and have fallen for him, but i don't want to waste my life waiting for him to decide what he wants. What shall i say or do?
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at work, engaged, her ex, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe are not seeing anyone else and have gone past the dating stage. We have been serious, but he just puts up this barrier now and then. I think he is just so scared of getting hurt again. I've been patient with him and i don't want to rush him, but how long can i wait for? I need to be happy as well as him.
A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (16 October 2011):
 When somebody has been hurt they tend to put barriers around themselves and become very cautious about their feelings.As their new partner you unfortunately are on the receving end of the backlash from their previous relationship.It's not your fault, you've done nothing wrong.What you have to be is patient.Men are very proud creatures, they can't switch their feelings on and off like so many of us women.They need time to re-gain their confidence.It's good that you've met the family,he treats you like a princess and he keeps in touch.If he wasn't keen on you he wouldn't be doing those things.Be patient and gradually, one by one, you will get through all of those barriers of his.If you try to rush things you may end up spoiling the relationship.Ten months actually isn't very long, especially when you spend so much time apart.I know it's a pain for you but, he seems like he's worth the wait.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): Are you in a committed relationship with him? It almost sounds like you are not exclusive and that is why you feel the need to pressure him. If he won't commit after almost a year, it really is time to move on and start dating others.
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