A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 19 and am a student living away from home! My boyfriend also 19 is in the army. Im finding it so hard being away from him and having to come to terms with his career. When we first met 4 years ago i was pretty anti-war but i fell in love with him knowing that he was going to join the army when he left school! I feel like i've give up my world for him, i've changed my opinions, i dont go out with friends because i wait in for his call's and do everything a good girlfriend should do. Not that he ask's me to do these things, he would never do that, he's perfect! But as time is going on, im getting worried that im throwing my life away. Im spending more and more time in my room alone crying because i cant bare to be away from him. It's starting to take over my life. I'm not clingy because i let him do what he wants! But when were apart i feel completly torn up inside. Is it possible that you can love somebody to much! please help me? or give me suggestions on how i can cheer myself up! x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): Hi there, I am not sure if your man is serving in action or away within the same country as you. You know you both made a choice to be together despite the consequences. My question to you is, there is your friend the man who loves you and you love him, and he is doing what he aspired to do, meanwhile you aren't. He pursued his dream of joining the army even though it meant lots of sacrifices. I think he would love to know you are strong and you are getting on with what you have without him there. You are seeking new things everyday whether it is friends, studies or a new hobby. When he comes home I think he'd love to talk and listen to what you've done or achieved rather than him re-counting what he has had to confront, or both of you miserable counting the days until he goes again. You are stronger than you think. You were the girl who was strong enough to stick by him, support his choice to join the army, live away from him, so find who you are again, because he is doing what HE wanted and I am sure your support and love everyday is paramount to him. I am sure he would love to come home and find a girl who is strong, gets on with her life and her choices, I am sure he would be devastated to know you are sitting crying. It will make him feel unsupportive of you because he is powerless, he can't be there for you. Find your groove again. Be a friend, a total support for each other. He would be delighted to hear of your new ventures, hobbies or pursuits rather than talking of what is going on with him or that you are so miserable without him. You are his light in his life, and you are to each other, so keep it alive. He will be incredibly proud to see or listen to what you've achieved as a student or even hear a happy voice on the end of the phone as to how strong and well you are managing even though it is difficult. I am not saying put on a happy front and fall apart when you get off the phone. Be excited to tell him some news or ideas you have. You will find the strain of being apart lessens if you both are hopeful and keep each other going by being supportive, strong and understanding. You aren't just one thing, you are two people, who love each other, but still can pursue things separately and totally support what each is doing. and yes you can tell him you miss him and love him and what you want for your future, that is important, but you are a strong girl to keep with a very difficult situation and he knows that you can do it. Hope that helps.
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