A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I wrote to you guys yesterday after thinking that I had been date raped. (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-i-was-raped-by-the-man.html) I spoke to my bf about it today and he says that he really didn't realize that he was really hurting me becuase I normally do like rough sex. He thought it was part of the act, but in my mind I know it wasn't so now im having problems cz I can't stop thinking about what happened I couldn't even sleep last night, and when I finally did, I awoke to a text he left me saying how much he loved me and he really didn't know he was hurting me. Its wierd I believe him but I stilll feel "funny". Please help.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Because you had been raped? An apology really just isn't enough, not sure what is.
I think I am not alone in thinking this relationship isn't that healthy, bordering or already crossed-over into an abusive relationship.
In that case, him apologizing is part of the routine. Beat her up - Apologize - Treat like her like princess - Beat her up.
Yes, sometimes things get out of control but from what you told us I don't think this was a one time deal, an young guy loosing control, bad but something that with time can be forgiven.
You were crying, ask yourself, just how out of control would you have to be to not notice that? Because you KNOW what you were feeling and you know that he didn't give a shit and only cared for himself and you KNOW that just saying "sorry" ain't nearly enough.
That is why you feel "funny". Because you are starting to realize just what this relationship is. Lets hope you take the only logical step open to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): "I felt really bad I felt like I had been raped"
Even if he didn't feel like he'd done anything wrong, you said no and he ignored you and used his strength to force you even though you were crying. You felt raped, you felt used, you didn't feel good and you were scared.
Your trust has been broken, now your with a boyfriend who scares you very much. It would probably be useful for you to get some rape counselling, just to talk to women who have been in the same situation as you.
Here's the details again....
http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline
Their phone number is 1.800.656.HOPE
You need to talk to somebody about this. You feel raped because you have been raped. It dosen't matter what he thought he was doing, it only matters how you feel. Talk to somebody who understands and they will help you deal with these normal feelings that you now have.
PS: This being afraid and scared of him and doing what he says is still there and it still troubles me that you feel you have to live like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): You still feel funny because even if he didn't realise that he hurt you... He still did.
You're probably worried that it will happen again... And if I remember rightly it took you a lot of courage to come on to him that day and he ignored it.
There may even be a slight fear in there now that if you ever want rough sex again it will be ruined by him asking you "Is this what you want?". I think your boyfriend loves you but it will probably take a while before you can get over what has happened.
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