A
female
age
41-50,
*rettylittlegirl
writes:Hello allI am separated. He is married. We work together. There is this crazy, undeniable electricity between us. Just hit us both out of the blue. We have known each other for a year in the workplace. It is at the point where when we look at each other, the eye contact is very intense and we are starting to feel awkward around each other. Like not knowing what to say to each other because the attraction is taking on a life of its own. Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!I know it is wrong to have an affair and I do not wish to do that. My question is how do you get over this uncontrollable urge which keeps growing by the day to tear each other's clothes off???He is also 15 years older than I am. He is always checking me out, trying to talk to me, paying a lot of attention.Any advice you guys can offer to help me stop this attraction? Unfortunately we cannot choose who we are attracted to. He is a nice guy but it is more physical at this point. No rhyme or reason to it. It just is!!! I should say that the industry we work in deals with activity which is considered sensual or sexual. That does not help to stop the attraction, just fuels itChanging jobs or positions is impossible. So how do you deal with a crazy, strong, strong, strong attraction for someone who is older and married and you know in your mind you should never go there????HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 You were 15 (or younger) when you got married? And no, as far as I know that old ball and chain that I sleep with every night has never strayed since I met him in the early 70's. However I HAVE seen family and friends go through the agony of a cheating spouse. But since you claim you aren't interested in cheating but only relief from the temptation I can only suggest the methods I mentioned earlier plus maybe a cold shower every now and then.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): OP here again. Eyeswideopen, have you been on the receiving end of a cheating husband or boyfriend??? Sure seems like it. You know nothing about me so you can't spot anything.I was married for 20 years to the only guy I have ever been with. I am from a good Catholic family and was raised with strong values and self respect.I did not ask for this. And the last thing I would ever do is cheat. My question was how can I make this easier on myself? How can I get over this attraction? I did not ask how do I cheat with this man!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): Hi. It's the OP. He does not flirt with me nor does he flirt outrageously. We are keeping it professional but I have enough experience to know when a man is attracted to me. I see all the signs in his behaviour. He is not overt about it but it is there nonetheless. I am not overt about it, either. We are both trying to control our feelings and keep it professional but the feelings are still there. He just seems to want to talk to me more and I catch him staring at me across a room, checking out parts of my body and he tends to stand close to me. And I can see it in the way he holds my eyes and in the way he smiles at me or laughs at what I say sometimes.
Just thought there was an easy way to stop feeling like this!!!! Because I know I shouldn't!!!1
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): If you can't move jobs or sections then don't do any flirting and keep it professional which will help. But if you don't want to do that then carry on as you are but you will be making it very difficult for yourself not to act on these urges.Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (7 February 2013):
Hi, take it from someone who knows, do not act on those feelings of yours.I fell for a younger guy at work 16yrs older.Although he or Iweren't married, our employers do not allow work romances.when you talk of the connection, attraction etc you have with him, it sounded like us.We did actually take it further and embarked on a full on affair. We found the age gap quite hard as well as the keeping it from work colleagues.it did last a year and I ended it as we could of been sacked if found d out and I'm a single parent and need my job.We still work together, we still find each other very attractive, and the chemistry is still there and it's even harder because we've had history.I wish I hadn't crossed that line from fantasy to reality, as I see him everyday and know I can't have him .
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2013):
 SVC Inserts tongue into cheek firmly before saying befriend his wife. Although in actuality having her become a REAL person may make the urge to help him cheat on her go away.
Has he said anything to you to indicate he is open and receptive to an affair or is this something you are creating in your head?
I ask because I work with lots of men (I'm happily married) and I flirt outrageously and dress a bit provocatively for an old fart... our workplace is very casual and lots of sexual innuendo is bantered about on a regular basis.... it does not mean I want to cheat or the guys I'm flirting with want to cheat... we're just flirty chums...
you say WE are... like you are speaking for him.... again I ask how do you know he feels exactly the way you do????
(I ask these things to help determine what else to tell you and to possibly help you see that this may be more in your head than reality...
I often wonder if the young fellow I flirt with at work was single or unhappy and had hopes of nailing a cougar posted about this older lady that flirts with him at work would he assume I felt the way he did.... because he wants me too... because i know full well I've not given any indication that I would cheat on my hubby....
and I often find that many folks in the throes of hot crushes are thinking with the wrong end and assume that the other party feels the same way... when in reality they don't.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (7 February 2013):
This is what you do. You dont do anything inappropriate.See how easy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): Hi. Pretty little girl applies to my daughter, not to me. And there is no need to condescend. I know right from wrong. I just wish it was easier than a spray bottle or a picture of his wife. Not really practical advice.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 February 2013):
Keep a spray bottle of ice water at your desk. When you feel the urge spray directly in your face. Put a heavy duty rubber band around your wrist and snap it really hard when the urge begins to surface. See if you can get a picture of his wife and pull it out and take a long look at her innocent face when the urge is coming on. "Prettylittlegirl" at 30-35 years old, you may be pretty but you certainly are not a little girl and you know you don't want to mess with a married man. Act like a class act and leave him the hell alone.
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