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female
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anonymous
writes: How much can I take? My relationship began over 3 years ago with a man that I fell in love in with. He is charming, intelligent and handsome. He is also an alcoholic. At first he hid this from me, and when we moved in together two years ago I began to see the signs. I thought it was just his friends, but unfortunately he is just as bad. There have been several episodes of abusive behavior toward me and others. I believe he is also doing drugs.I am a grad student, working toward a brillant career and future. I thought he was coming along with me. I just don't see an end to this behavior. The investment and the love I have for leads me to want to stay,,, But how much more can I take?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): Sounds like what my ex b/f was like except he has hit me and put me in hospital. GIRL GET OUT before he really hurts u!!!! then u'll b stuffed for life like i am i can't trust any guys now
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female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 December 2005):
 Isnt the investment in YOURSELF much more important?Screw the investment you have made to this relationship, heavens above, you said it all... he is abusive... this is the best reason you could ever have, to kick him to the curb, booze bottles and all... go ahead with your planned career and make something of your life... without any hinderance from him, he will only pull you down to his level,and stand in your way of being succesful. he has a sad existence and you dont want to be part of it, do you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2005): don't put up with it you are in a very bad sitaution get out of it now before it is too late. The guy is a loser you can do much better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2005): Ur question stuck out at me like a sore thumb as i had the makings of a relationship like yours but luckily i've gotten out without having my future destroyed.My boyfriend never hid the fact he liked to drink and I'd heard in the past about his behaviour, this time last year spending thousands of pounds in the pub. What i'm trying to say is i feel for you completely. It is so hard thinking of ending a relationship with someone you love, (or in my case he ended it with me - as he felt i nagged him too much about everything). The truth is and i've come to realise is that alcoholics use the drink to cover up their problems with life - self medication to escape from whatevers haunting them.Myabe there are deeper issues he needs to deal with. A good therapist may be able to work that out if he goes for help.What to do now? He needs to realise he is an alcoholic and if he wants to change things for himself, number one and number 2 for the benefit of your relationship working out. You may have heard of 'tough love' where the person has to lose everything and everyone before realising they have the problem and want to change. I thought my boyfriend loved me completely - but he chose the drink over me in the end. Sad but true and this may happen to you too, but you are worth more.My boyfriend was never physically abusive to me, but he used to manipulate me in other ways and was very selfish. I feel lucky to have escaped now, deep down and you deserve more too. What is it going to take until you realise that yourself? Being hospitalised.....or worse.Get out now - tell him why you are doing it...tough love is sometimes the only way forward - for yourself and him.Hope my experience helps you in ur time of need.
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