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female
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*ustme83
writes: My boyfriend seems to have lost interest in me. He doesn't seem to be intrested in my sexually at all. If I want to do something with him I have to practically beg him. Other than that we don't do anything. He has always had a temper, but lately it seems like it is getting worse. He yells every day. We live together now and he expects me to do all the house work. Constantly tells me to clean or cook. I moved from Texas to Georgia with him. I have been living with him in Georgia for about a year. I have a two year old daughter. I would like the relationship to work out, but I want him to change the way he acts. What can I do or say to make him change? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (28 October 2005):
Change, has to come from within. I'm sure you've heard that one. There's clearly an issue or some issues that are causing your partner to react in this way. What you can do is help him to begin to discover what is it that he is supressing, that is manifesting itself as anger. Remember, he is not angry, he is expressing anger. So what is he so angry about.
It could be a test of how strong your love for him is. It could be a chance for you to discover how strong a person you are. It could be that you have an inner talent that you have not yet discovered that somehow leads troubled people into a place where they feel they can open up and start to express old wounds. It is no coincidence why we are with the people that we are with. There's always something to learn.
You don't have to do all the work yourself. You may find a friend just outside your social circle that might provide a key into your partners self discovery, but there must be someone, no, there is someone, who is willing and able to provide the non judgemental ear that your partner needs.
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female
reader, lilcountrygirl79 +, writes (28 October 2005):
I have been there before, minus the child. There are things you can do to get him to notice you, but you can never truly change a person. Everyone puts on a front when they first start dating. It's kind of like a screen door. Before you moved in with him, he had the screen door shut, and you didn't see him for who he really is. Once that door opened and you walked in, you could see him more clearly. As sad as you probably feel, you need to decide how long you're going to subject yourself and your daughter to that. She sees everything you do, and I know you don't want her to settle later in life. Show her that you don't NEED a man, you just desire one, and that it's okay to keep looking as long as you are happy. I'm sure your child would want you to be happy and comfortable.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 October 2005):
 He may not change, that's the problem. This could be the way he is; selfish, with a bad temper and treating you like a doormat to wait on him and do what he wants.
However, to give him the benefit of the doubt, approach him and ask him if there is anything troubling him. Any stresses at work or something that might be making him more bad tempered than normal. If he tries to blame his temper on you, you may have to face up to the fact that you are living with an emotionally abusive man.
Explain to him how you feel, how unahppy his behaviour makes you feel, how you feel unwanted, etc. Allow him an insight into how this is all affecting you. Explain also that such an environment is not how you wish to bring up your daughter and you don't wish her to be unhappy because you are.
Try to talk to him and see what he says. Ask him to sit down with you and discuss your future. If he is unwilling to change or reluctant to do anything about your relationship to improve it, then seriously consider leaving him with your daughter in case his temper becomes more than just verbal.
My thoughts are with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): Maybe he is old fashioned we are all brought up differently therefore you views on how things should be in the relationship could be very different to his..talk to him and explain how you are feeling you should be able to come to some sort of agreement.
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female
reader, broken_hearted +, writes (28 October 2005):
Well maybe you should tell your boyfriend about how you feel. And tell him that your doing the best that you can. And to tell him to calm down and to try not to yell as much for your daughters sake.
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