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female
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*eni5162
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. He has had a bad experiance in the past (about 4 years ago) where he was in love with a girl, and was going to marry her. However she cheated on him with one of his best friends, they broke up and have no contact since. He just told me that he is afraid to love anyone again because he doesn't want to get hurt again. I care a lot about him and I have never cheated on any of my past boyfriends, but before him I was in a 5 1/2 year relationship that lead nowhere. I don't want to break up with him but I don't want to be in another dead end relationship. This was years ago that this happened to him I think he shjould be over it by now and ready to move on with his life. Should I wait and see if he changes his mind about love? Is there anything I can do to help him along with this? Please somebody help I just don't know what do do about this.
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female
reader, Si Si  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Dear girl,you are already answering your own question. You know in your heart {gut feeling} that you are wasting your time. You just don`t want to admit it...We ignore our intuition at our peril.
I will tell you what your intuition has been telling you for a long time. Yes!!! you are wasting your time. It has been far too long for his excuse to be anywhere near valid.
If it drags on any longer you will be very bitter,don`t let that happen.Be brave and realise you deserve better. It might hurt for a little while but imagine how much worse you will feel in another year..and then another....
Remember "Good things get better and bad things get worse"
He is not ever going to change.Come to terms with that.Face the truth and you will feel a lot better about life.
There is a Chinese saying that goes: "you can`t pour anymore tea into an already full cup" do you know what that means? It means that this man is filling your life {negatively} and while he is,there is no room for you to bring something positive and happy into it.
Do not waste anymore of your precious and wonderful life,it is so short...Go and seek out your needs.
I wish you love and happiness,and contentment.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (31 July 2006):
 To be honest I dont think its fair to expect him to be over this by now. Some scars time doesnt heal, it just scabs over and obviously this was one of those big scars,the kind that cut really deep and endure. Not only was he betrayed by the women/girl he loved but also by his close friend so it's only natural that the wound caused by that would be deep.
People remember too and the memory of the pain will be more than enough to animate fear. It seems to me that he may feel hes getting close to you and that's what is scaring him.
I think if you really care for him you should wait. People learn mostly through experience and I think that is the key here, you need to write over his negative experience with a positive one and in time that should do the trick. Be loving and affectionate and show him it doesnt have to hurt Its going to take time however and it probably won't be easy. Whether you are willing to invest that much is down to you. Hope that helps and good luck.
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