A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidWhere do I start?I was with my ex was 4 years. Earlier it used be fun, for past few months the verbal emotional abuse is more than I can take. He withdraws affection and love. Makes me beg with him to even talk to me, at last talks to me after I beg for hours, sometime days. I lost my self esteem and confidence, Earlier I was a confident person, now I have to ask him permission to even use rest room. Did I mention he left me when I was pregnant and came back after I lost the baby? I was stupid enough to take him back.Long story short, I broke up with him 2 weeks back, he called me constantly and I took him back like 4 days back. The thing I don't feel any love towards him, I'm not getting anything out of this relationship, he is not there for me at all. So I broke up with him again today, as he starting treating me badly again.Question is, why do I take him back even though I know he is not good for me, and I don't feel any love towards him, but still I take him back. Pls help me
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broke up, confidence, emotionally abusive, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, crazybeyatch +, writes (27 October 2014):
 Im not saying this is you in this situation but in most cases woman that are in abusive relationships stay or go back to their men are because of all the mind games the man has done to them thru the relationship. A coward (aka "the abuser" ) Has very low self esteem for themselves so to make themselves feel better they make their girlfriend/wife life a living hell. Putting them thru emotional and or physical abuse. Telling them they are worthless... ugly..and also alienates the girlfriend/wife life to where the only person they have in their life is him. So if she ends up finally growing a backbone & leaving him then he will play the game of "your a loser.. nobody likes you.. you only have me in your life." The woman then believes the trash the man is delivering in her head again & falls into a downward spiral back with him again. Back in a relationship that is nothing but a living hell. You deserve MUCH better than that in life. Don't ever think your not good enough for anybody else. There is someone out there that WILL treat you like a queen. Ditch the abuser... it will get nothing but worse with time with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): I second what WhenCowsAttack posted.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 October 2014):
 There are women that will return time after time to abusive relationships much worse than yours. Women who have been raped, beaten and even shot will go back into relationship over and over and do not know how to stop. It's a very old problem. There are very intelligent doctors of psychology and psychiatry that don't have answers either. I only know one thing and that is that if you don't do something now to save yourself it will only get worse. So rather than trying to fix it or speculate as to the why of it all, I'd suggest you save your life and move out and move far away to start over again. Leave abuse in the rear view mirror.
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A
female
reader, kalisa14 +, writes (26 October 2014):
 I had an abusive ex many years ago. Like WhenCowsAttack says, it is familiar territory, albeit not happy territory, which is why you find it hard to leave him. A good book to read is called "Getting Free," by Ginny NiCarthy. This book became my bible. Pay particular attention to the quizzes about what love really is. Many of us fall into one of three categories; Addictive love, Romantic love, and Nurturing love. Many women put up with abusers because they don't know any better,and find it hard to leave. Contact your local domestic violence shelter (and yes, verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse) and check out their free counseling and other services. Another good book is called Living with the Dominator,by Pat Craven. It will open your eyes, and possibly explain why your guy acts the way he does, and how to avoid hooking up with somebody like that in the future, provided you leave him for good. You deserve better! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (26 October 2014):
You take him back because he is familiar and you have become accustomed to the routine, and because you haven't found the confidence to stand your ground when he pressures you. Find it now! Block his number and do NOT respond to him in any way.
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