A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem where I am not sexually attracted to my man... he is a very handsome man, very romantic, loving, respectful... he's the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. I often listen to woman who are just wishing for a man like I have. He is completely dedicated to me.. I am just not sexually attracted to him. I love him tremendously much, we are a team with everything. I don't just love him as my friend I love him as my lover really. Because the love I have for him is more then friendship (don't ask me how to explain it) I love being with him we even made plans to live together and I was always pretty content with just having occasional sex to please him... I'm so embarrassed for even admitting this but I have been faking every orgasm I had with my man for 4 years now. I feel like a total ass for doing this to him. He treats me like the center of his world.. and even asked me why I don't want sex with him, I told him it's so messed up I don't even understand why I don't desire having sex... he even offered going to relationship therapy... he started taking me out dinner buying me flowers even took me to Paris. When he saw that nothing worked he even broke down at one point and it was devastating to see such a good person get hurt when all they want is to be desired and feel passion from their significant other. I feel like such a bad person, I feel hurt too because I love him. I feel like if I leave him though that I will regret having given up a man that genuinely cares for me. And I genuinely care for him. I don't know how to figure out what to do. I feel like I can't win either way. In the end he deserves someone that can give him this passion. I'm emotionally screwed though... thinking of him being with another woman kills me inside... So what am I suppose to do ? Let him go ... so that both of us can be heartbroken for a while... and one day see him with someone else. I think maybe he will find happiness and that will be all I wish him... but at the same time I know this sounds selfish... but I truly don't know how I will be able to live without him as I love him SO much! I feel sad everyday and guilty...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Maybe this guy treats you too well and you would be more attracted to a "bad boy" who causes you more drama.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): "I have been faking every orgasm I had with my man for 4 years now"Hard part is to stop being afraid. Then, only then, you can start talking openly with him.There is a reason for all this. First off, you can work this out. Not being able to have orgasms with someone has nothing to do with love or attraction, it has much more to do with the psychology of the relationship.There are ALWAYS reasons for what you are going through, and you don't need to post there here. You may not even be aware of what they are.But, if he treats you like that, and you love him like you say that you do, then you need to hold onto that and go to counseling. Not sex counseling, but relationship counseling, and you need to tell him everything about your life and your past and the problems. Do this now, do it when you aren't married, don't have kids, and do it because he has just told you that you are "worth it" when he said he'd go to relationship counseling.Tell him everything, tell him about your shame, fear, guilt, faking, everything, but tell him with a counselor, and tell him you don't know why and tell the counselor that as well. A good counselor will really help you. If the first one isn't able to be there effectively, then go to another.My wife faked them for her entire life, with everyone before me, but me...she didn't fake them with me but wouldn't talk about what was going on either even though I asked. We were married for 17 years before she opened up a little, and once she started talking...she started having orgasms for real with me during sex the very next week...and has never stopped.This may not work for you, but you got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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A
male
reader, lovetokissyou  +, writes (15 April 2011):
wow. been there done that, moved on.. like the other reader said find out what it is that your not sexualy attracted to him. have you been or are sexualy attracted to anyone in your life , do you know what that means. and what it feels like. dont cheat yourself and him . be honest . life goes on , you should not stay with him if you cant give him what he needs, you both deserve better from one another . You say you love him then do something about it.. good luck
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A
male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (14 April 2011):
Have you thought about WHY you are not attracted to him? There must be a reason and perhaps it is something deep down, something that may not be at the forefront. There is a reason why you are not attracted to him and you need to figure out what it is so you can decide if it is something that can be repaired. Unfortunately, I really don't think there is much you can do in the way sexual attraction. Perhaps I could be wrong here (help ladies, if you feel I'm wrong!). With that being said, it's great that you have what you do have with him but if you don't like to have sex with him that's a problem. It really isn't fair to either of you to continue in this relationship if you decide that there is nothing that can be done about the sex because, let's be frank here, we love people for who they are but sex is a huge factor in a relationship. If you are troubled that much by having sex with him I feel that you will eventually cheat on him if you haven't already. Then you'll be in a real pickle, aye? Decide what is unattractive about him to you and decide if it can be fixed. Be honest with yourself about this.
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