A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a little confused as to what to do with a situation concerning this guy I dated.It's been over a year since we broke up, but we decided to remain friends. Before anyone gets any ideas, I have not been intimate in any way with him since we broke up. Things have been pretty rocky since we broke up, and there have been periods where we kind of pull away from each other, but in the end we always end up talking again. I have two problems when it comes to him/us. The first was pretty much the reason we broke up....he lies A LOT (I found out he had a GF back home). I don't pry in his life and never ask him what he is doing or with whom, other than to ask how his day was, you know normal conversation. Well he will just lie to me about it. Recently it was b/c he had started seeing/sleeping with someone. I don't want details, but hate being lied to my face, so I tried to tell him that as a friend, I have no problem with him dating other ppl, and I will not stop being his friend. But, please have enough respect for me to not continuously lie to me. This made him get angry and he said that I was lording the fact that I was so smart over him. And, in his world if ppl lie they have a reason, and he has his reasons. The second problem that I am having is that he keeps telling me that he is still in love with me, but that he is "stuck". I have asked him to stop saying stuff like that b/c it is not fair to me and that he has made certain decisions and I don't want to keep paying for them. Now on the surface, it seems pretty obvious that I should just cut him out of my life for good. The problem is that he he had become my best friend before we started dating. We talk all the time. I have been sick (got sick while we were dating), and he has stuck by me, been there for me, taken me to the hospital and stayed with me. If I ever need him he is there.....I know that there are still some romantic feelings there on my part, but I really don't want to get involved with him again b/c I don't feel I can trust him as a BF. So, I guess I wonder if I should just let it go altogether. I also want to know how I can talk to him about the lying. I have tried to talk about it but he always gets mad and things jut get ridiculous. I don't expect all the details of his life. But I don't like to be lied to either. He says I am making too big a deal out of it and should let it go, but I have never had to talk to any of my other friends about this...it has never been an issue. I get that ppl lie. I also don't know what to make of the fact that he keeps telling me he loves me, but can't get out of the relationship he's in. I don't know if I believe that and even if it is true, why bother saying it? If it's not true, why bother saying it! Sorry for the long post, but any and all comments are appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Well girl, I don't believe that best friends should lie to each other. It sounds to me like he has a lot of issues that he is not sharing with you or being honest about. Instead, he's taking you for a ride on his emotional rollercoaster because he knows that you are willing to listen and be there for him. I know your friendship means a lot to you. I have a few friends (male and female) who are very similar. I have learned that I enjoy their company but, I've also learned to listen to what they have to say and let it go in one ear and out the other because most of the time only half the truth is being spoken or the story is being twisted so it doesn't make them look bad. Avoid giving advice, just be a listening ear, and take this person with a grain of salt. In the end you get to keep your friendship and be rid of all the frustration you allow yourself to have.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): If he's a pathological liar how will you know if he's telling the truth?
OK, I'm not sure it matters- this guy is trying to manipulate you. You've cut him loose already, he needs to do the rest.
Do not get back involved at any level with this guy...
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