A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, i feel quite bad asking this because its all common sense but we all have preferences. I met this guy last weekend, I wasnt even meant to be going out, I was just meeting my sister in the pub for a few. Her boyfriend was in there watching the boxing and within twenty minutes of being in the pub, he came over to me and said theres a guy standing next to him watching the match who cant stop looking at me and wants to meet me.Long story short... my sister's boyfriend got us together and we ended up going back to their house and chatting together until 5am. He was so sweet and full of compliments etc, and we just clicked. We exchanged numbers and then monday night he cooked for me and we watched films etc. Already he treats me like a princess...he was just perfect really.HOWEVER.... and i know this sounds really shallow but his dress sense is a mess. He's quite stocky, not fat at all but his clothes dont fit him, his shoes are worn and broken and scruffy and he just looks like hes come out of the 90's. Secondly, he smokes. And im not a smoker so it really puts me off when he tries to kiss me or get really close to me after hes had one. How do i work around these problems? I know its just material and a habit and both dont affect his personality. BUT the clothes make me not want to be seen in public with him and i came home tasting like I had licked an ashtray all night. LOVELY.
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (26 May 2011):
 When you said 90's it was funny....
You are very sweet and very polite.
As for now, since you barely know him, this is the beginning of a realtionship, you don't know him well enough or are not comfortable enough to talk to him about the clothing and the smoking.
He might be understanding, accept you criticism well or he might get angry mad, hurt, who knows..
For now I guess you just have to wait for the right moment and the oppurtunity? :-(
Hope this help?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): Talk to him about the smoking first as that will also affect his health. Tell him it puts you off. Otherwise you are stuck with the situation. It's not easy to give up smoking and he might not want to, but he could use mouthwash, eat mints or something.
Leave the clothes till you know him better. Then you can go past a shop together and you can say something like 'Oh, that would really suit you!' and encourage him that way.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 May 2011):
 while i understand the smoking thing, as i'm a non smoker and prefer a non smoker myself, his clothes really shouldn't matter that much. some of the best guys i know have absolutely no fashion sense just because they are who they are and they just don't care what everyone else thinks. to me, this just adds to their charm. just accept him for who he is. what he wears really shouldn't matter that much. besides, as time goes on, if you two develop a deeper relationship, you can always add your "input" on his fashion sense. buy him a couple of shirts or pants that you think will "look really great on him." eventually, you can revamp his style if he's open to it.as for the smoking thing, you could express to him your feelings on the matter. and while he may not be able to just quit, if he respects you and likes you enough, he should be able to tone it down some while in your presence.i would give this guy a try. he sounds like a real catch. keep him around. don't waste a shot at something real based off of superficial problems.
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