A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused. We have been apart for 4 months. During that period, he have been trying to be friends with me. Wanting to go trips with me, telling me how much I would love the bands he discovered or telling his weird dreams to me. I haven't been healing well with the break up. I was still hung up on him n I think I'm still in love with him. Then one night we started texting again, he wanted to have sex with me. I didn't know what to do so I replied I didn't want to be friends with benefits. Another time I was so depressed I asked him if he still loves me, he said no. But when I asked him if we ever have the chance to get back together in the future, he said he's not too sure to answer that question now. He broke up with me because he said his future has been set and he wants to be a loner. He doesn't want a relationship, or getting married. I know all the time we've been together, his love was true. He really did love me n cared for me. I love him the same way too, just he wouldn't want to share parts of his life with me. I don't want to get married too, due to my reasons with divorces always occurring in my family n relatives.We were great friends from the start, but after the break up it's hard being in the same room without feeling awkward. What should I do? I'm trying my best to move on and going towards healing myself. But there are days I want to hug him and tell him all about my bad days. He was like the best friend I never had. Please can somebody help me?
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best friend, broke up, depressed, divorce, friend with benefits, get back together, move on, period, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): As hard as it is, it is absolutely necessary to break off all ties with this guy. He wants to be a loner, and it could take years to break through that shell he has. For your own sanity and peace of mind, you would be better completely ignoring this guy.
Love is an infinite thing, and if he genuinely loves you, he'll prove it to you by accepting that he belongs with you if that's what he feels. It could take years for a loner to realize this though. Self-proclaimed 'loner's' build up walls to avoid letting anyone in, to avoid trusting or feeling emotion. You can't build a relationship with that. It's painful not having him to talk to, but it's more painful holding on to something that's not there right now.
It's okay to have hope for the future, but you deserve someone who can give you what you need right NOW, so it's better to walk away and keep your head up high. If it would make you feel better telling him how you feel about the situation, then do so. Sometimes writing a long, emotional email helps put things in perspective. If you send that email to him and he tells you that he understands why you feel that way, but he's not going to give up his loner personality for you right now, then you'll know with 100% of who you are that you need someone else. Explain to him how you want to... but can't... be friends with him because of how hard it is. Worst case scenario, he'll walk away so you won't have to. Things will work out in the long run. They always do! :)
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