A
female
age
41-50,
*likenight
writes:I feel really bad. I love my boyfriend a lot, but lately I have been having thoughts that I don't want to be having. We have a 2 month old daughter. He was working a lot of hours, and I stay home and take care of her and the house, bills, dinner, groceries, etc..So we were doing o.k. financially because he was working overtime. The past month however, he hasn't worked over time and it's not his fault, the job took him off of over time. But it cuts into our money big. I mean like 30-50%. And now our bank account is starting to dwindle to almost nothing. I feel like we have no safety net. So I applied at jobs and I have a test to take for a job this Sat. but the job is down in Detroit, which is a really far drive for me, and it's a factory job, it pays decent, but I feel myself resenting my boyfriend because I am going to have to go back to work so soon, she is only 2 months old. And I have no one I can trust to babysit, so I have to leave her in a stranger's care. Also, I know I am still going to have to take care of the house, bills, and everything else I had to do before because he won't just clean the house, he's a guy and most of them don't clean. Plus I have to be responsible for coordinating a babysitter and finding one...Plus I know the job is going to be miserable. I am starting to have thoughts like he isn't attractive to me anymore, our relationship is going no where, he's never serious about anything, it makes me wonder if we have a future together. I feel like if I have to get a job anyway, why don't I just do it on my own and date other guys and find one that is better? I don't want to feel this way. I always thought he would support us and we'd be o.k. with me staying home until I was ready. But now that he's not doing that I feel like what good is he really? He is always joking about everything, he's 32 and I'm 25 and I am a lot more mature than he is. He's a good dad, I guess but the thought of me spending the rest of my life with someone who can never be serious and who smokes, and who has no goals just makes me mad. In my eyes he should be investing his money in a house instead of renting, and he doesn't have a retirement, he could have one but he hates staying at the same job for too long. SO I wonder why am I even with him? I have no security with him. Even if I married him I wouldn't have any security. Am I being selfish?? What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ilikenight +, writes (15 June 2007):
ilikenight is verified as being by the original poster of the question we're not married, so a marriage counselor??? And we're not going bankrupt because we don't have a mortgage, which I said. People need to read a little closer..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): You need to do whats best for your daughter.
If you don't know how to manage funds, get an accountant.
Its much easier to avoid bankruptcy than to get out of it.
It is hard to change a man set in his ways, but if you tell him it would be best for him to clean up his act to help his baby daughter, he may.
Find a marriage councillor who will be able to help your family. It would be the best shot I think.
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