A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am really confused, I need everyone’s help. I knew this guy a few years ago and we just ran into each other a month or so ago. We have been messing around and I have been confused. He only calls me once a week, but he does little things when I am with him that seem like he might see me as more than just sex. For example, he was excited to show me his garage he cleaned out, and he talks about his mom.I was getting tired of trying to figure this all out and I really want more of a boyfriend than someone to just mess around with. I was going to tell him this the other night, but it was hard for me to get the courage, but he started to talk to me. He asked me something about me acting like he isn’t cool enough to hang out with. Which isn’t true I enjoy his company we just haven’t really spent time hanging out, outside the bedroom. He went on to say that he wants to hang out like at lunch or something. He said sex or not he wants to basically be friends forever and hang out, even if I have a boyfriend, or a husband and kids. I told him that was fine. Not that we were going to stop messing around just that no matter what we could hang out. Is there a chance for a relationship with him? At first I though he was just a player but the more I talk to him, I can tell he was really hurt by his ex-girlfriend. Do you think that this friendship talk was his way of wanting to be close but not to where he could get hurt? I know this is hard for anyone else to answer given you aren’t there, but if you have had any experiences I would love to hear. I don’t know if I want to wait it out to see what would happen or stop sleeping with him so I can find that someone to have a relationship with. Help me please..
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 July 2007):
 I agree with Irish49 in her description of the relationship as it is now. This is not good for you, or something you want to maintain. It's a solid truth that, when you love someone, you want to lay claim to a relationship with her, and he isn't doing it.
However, I also think that he's giving hints. Those hints might mean he wants something serious with you, or just a way to make sure he will continue to have sex with you no matter what you do. The two things are equally possible.
I suggest you ask where the relationship is going. If he doesn't seem to commit, seriously, then don't think twice and leave him.
Why don't you try refusing sex for a while? This should show what his intentions are.
I agree with Irish49 in your demanding "all or nothing".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): First of all, hun..you have every right to know where this relationship with this guy is heading, expecially if you are having weekly sex sessions with him. That's pretty intimate I would say. But in light of what's going on, I am going to strongly suggest: cut this guy loose and go find someone who will value you...every aspect of who you are. Don't waste another minute on this guy. This guy doesn't have to work at the loving, caring, committed facets of this relationship with you because you are basically giving him what he wants anyways. No strings and he's content with the way things are, The thing is, hun...guys are like us gals. When they are really liking a girl, they want to lay claim to a relationship with her. They want to make it official and they guy wants a girl, all to himself. So he works hard at establishing a bond with her-committing to only her because he adores her, loves her, desires her. This guy is not doing that, is he? And you do deserve all the great perks of being with a man who loves, honors and respects all that you are. Let him go and go find a great guy who'll treat you better and never settle for a meaningless 'sex buddy' relationship with anyone again. No more blurry, gray areas in relationships with men again. Hold out for "all or nothing" and please...uphold yourself to higher standards. I think you'll agree..that you do deserve it. Good luck and take care, hun.
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A
male
reader, HelpingHand7 +, writes (21 July 2007):
 i had a similar experiance and just be open with him about how you feel it sounds like he is hinting that he wants more than just sex just talk to him find out what he wants and make sure he is clear about what he says.
hope this helps
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