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anonymous
writes: Dear CupidI have been going out with my boy for nearly a year, I have had two long-term relationships in the past and in both of them I have been cheating on. On entering this relationship I was quite shocked that my past has affected me in that I just haven't trusted my boyfriend at any time. He kept telling me I was being paranoid and that he would never do that. He treats my very well and we have a very caring and loving relationship. But I have a niggling feeling, he eyes up other women constantly and 3 months ago I found a text message in his phone to another women suggesting that he fancied her and that she was a very sexy lady. He fessed up and later admitted this to me and said that he ego got out of control. I forgave him for this but all along never really fully trusting him..You know, all the checking of phones and stuff. We were out at the weekend and he was extremely drunk and I noticed him dancing with another girl as I came out of the toilet. I do admit that I am a very jealous person and got cross. He then fell out with me and proceeded to eye this girl up all nite...(very subtly I might add) I went to walk out of the bar at the end of the nite and turned back and as he was coming behind me he was waving goodbye to her. In a shame-I-have-to-go way. I then overheard him and his mate talking about how beautiful she was.The next day (when he sobered up!)I raised it with him and said he couldn't remember and said there was no way that he would ever have done anything with that girl and if he was flirting with her then he was sorry. This is consuming me. I am due to move in with him next month to live and he is so excited about it but am I making the biggest mistake of my life? I need some advice. Could it be that I am dealing with a chronic flirt or should I heed these warning signs? He is 10 out of 10 in all aspects of our relationship but the constant eyeing up of women is driving me mad. It's like he needs constant reassureance that girls find him attractive...and he is an extremely good looking boy. Please help : )
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2005): I think your past is what is bothering you the most. Being cheated on in your past relationships have made you question every man. Even if you find someone else you will still have these feelings. Speaking from experince...My husband is a constant flirt. I had a really hard time dealing with it before we got married it drove me insane.--because I have been cheated on too. I soon learned that is was just part of his personilty and he really ment nothing by it. I have found with him talking to him about it has really helped. He still flirts and it really makes him feel good when some women will flirt back. But he always tells me about it. As long as it is harmless, why not? It makes him feel good about his-self and I know I love it when I guy flirts with me. As long as that is as far as it go's!Jealousy is normal, but really is a wasted emotion it only gets you think of things that might happen. And mostly drives you crazy. Don't waste a good thing over jealous emotions and talk to him about how it makes you feel when he flirts. But don't try to tell him to be something he is not. I hope this helps!
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