A
female
age
30-35,
*hick989
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. He's 50 and i'm 18(not a problem for either of us). He is currently living with his mother because he's trying to save to get a place for us. He has two children: a boy of 15 and a girl of 16. The girl does her own thing so doesn't really see him much (used to when i first got with him but slowly faded out. The son has started to see him every sunday for the last 4 months (when i first got together with my bf the son wasn't in the picture because his step dad did more for him so he wasn't really interested in coming over. As you can imagine it is a little awkward between the son and i as he is more like a bro than a step-son. my partner doesn't really bother taking him anywhere so lately i have suggested days out - the son has brought a friend and it's been great. however, i don't even get so much as a thanks (even though i'm the one who arranges it and pays for lunch). what can i do to get along with his son better? The mother of his children really bothers me - she's constantly texting at every chance. Let me put you into the picture - they were together for 15 years and he left when the children were 2 and 3 because she cheated on him with another man( going back 13 years ago). she's still with the man now and has a 10 year old daughter with him. i feel now as though the children are of the age where they can arrange to see their dad themselves, however she likes to have control. for example - if he occasionally changes the day to see his children the odd saturday(i work saturdays so it's nice to have some time alone every now and again), his son will be fine with it but the mother will text him saying 'the court order says you must have them every sunday... you're choosing that little slag over your kids....' I don't understand her problem (apparently she was like this even before i came along). My partner usually picks his son up at 10.30 but last week picked him up early to take him to work with him for his work experience - because his step dad wasn't informed the poor boy was grounded. the most recent event was this week: my partner and i took the week off of work to spend together, his son called and asked what he was doing. he had to lie to his son and say he was ill (if he goes anywhere with me the kids mother starts demanding more money). for some strange reason his son asked if he was with me - two days running - not usually asked. My partner said yes, that night he got a text from the mother 'the courts say you have to have the kids a week at easter, why haven't you had the kids this week' (i don't see her problem, this time last year his son wasn't seeing him and we went on holiday but nothing was mentioned then so why now?) He let it ruin our night, he's sick of her having a go at him but doesn't reply to her texts and when they speak on the phone acts as though everything is ok. he seems in fear of her and i don't know why? i asked him if he's ever done anything to upset her and he claims no. her son has a mobile but she still calls my partner to ask to speak to her son. if the children were babies i could understand but they are 15 and 16. we want to go on holiday this summer - he has told me to tell the kids that i'm paying if anything gets mentioned because he doesn't want her to know - she will either ask for more money or ask why he's not taking the kids.his daughter called up last night and demanded to know where he was and why his car wasn't outside of his house, ( he lives 15 mins from them and seem to always be checking up). i don't see the mothers problem, i know i'm young but he said she's always been like this so what's the explanation? why does she seem to want a hold over him even though she's remarried? why does he seem to live in fear of her next move?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): lets be frank , u can be his daughter. imagine your father dating someone a year older than you. seems wrong doesnt it. if you were in your late 20's or 30's it would be ok. u would have gone through a couple of relationships 1st. but you havnt, i doubt if u have ever been in a serious relationship before him. he s takin advantage of your innocence. u dont posses the skills and experience to handle that kind of relationship.
you are still young, being involved with a divorced man is hard enough, but the fact that he has kids makes it even harder. his ex-wife will forever be in your relatioship. there will never be just two of you in the relationship. it will be you, him, her and the kids.
either get used to it or get out.
but i suggest u get out and soon
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 He's 50, been divorced for 13 years and still lives with his mother? I could understand if he'd been divorced for 3 years and was still getting himself together financially, but 13? There is something seriously wrong with this picture.
This is a battle you cannot win. You can't. No matter how much of a witch his ex is, you can't win in this situation. She has his nuts in a vice and it sounds like he is all too willing to allow her to squeeze them. Why at 18 would you even want to subject yourself to this old man and the mess he's made of his life? Go out and find someone closer to your age. Even if you find someone who has drama, at least it will be AGE APPROPRIATE drama.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): I see that you care for this men, but my advice to you is simple: Please get out of this relationship, today! Just like the other poster said, some age difference is okay, however you are way too young to be in one, plus the age difference is quite large. To add to that, why is he living with his Mom? At 50 he should be financially stable. Honestly this men concerns me. He obviously lacks character to allow his wife to treat him the way she does. I hope you realize we teach people how to treat us, so if she treats him that way its because his allowed it for years. You are too young to bring this type of drama to your life. Take my advice. I'm married to a great men, his 15 years older than me. We met when I was 26 and he was 41. He has a 21 year old son from a previous marriage and his ex-wife is a witch. Both the son and ex-wife have brought a lot of stress into our marriage, but my situation is different. Like I said above, I was 26 when I met him, 28 when I married him. So I had 10 more years than you when I jumped into his situation, and even though we love each other it has not been easy. Furthermore, my husband is very responsible and he doesn't need to live with his Mom because his financially stable. To me it sounds like your boyfriend has too many issues, and I think you would be much better off with someone younger. Do you go to Church? Churches can be a really good place to find your soulmate, or make good friends. Remember the real problem is not his ex, the problem is your boyfriend. Walk away from this relationship. With time you will be happy you did!!! Trust me. Take care, and keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 April 2010):
 You have been with a 50 year old man for a year and a half, and you are only 18? That in itself is something rather worrying. That means you cannot have been much past your 16th Birthday when you first started a relationship with him! To me, this does not sound the healthiest of relationships.
An age gap is ok, but with one party being SO young, and inexperienced, it is easy for a relationship to become unbalanced, and with one party being in control more.
You are only a couple of years older than his children, and this is probably what his ex wife has the most problem with. In her eyes you are still only a child, and you are taking her kids father away from them. He is replacing his OWN children, with you, another child.
I think this is a situation you are either going to have to accept and get over, or move on from the relationship. Whether you like it or not, his kids and his ex wife will be in his life forever. You, however, may not be around in another 2 years. Once you hit 21, you may yearn for a younger partner, and move on.
Just remember, when you are 38, he will be 70 years old. Do you want to spend the prime of your life, looking after an OAP, who may suffer with serious medical conditions, or need constant round the clock care? Would you be prepared to give up EVERYTHING in your life to look after him in his old age? Especially when you are still young?
Do you want kids? At 50, he may not want any more children. How would they feel to have a father who looked like their Grandad and was a retired pensioner before they even got to their 10th Birthday?
You will always come second in his life, as his ex wife, and his kids will always be his first priority. I think you need to decide if you want to be in that place, or if you would rather be with someone who could give you all the attention and love you want?.
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A
female
reader, Vicci +, writes (11 April 2010):
 Sorry to be frank;
1)hes 50.
2)he still lives with his mum ?!?
3)he has kids
4)he has an ex-wife
to me, this relationship seems doomed from the start. the age gap dosn't bother me at all, its the list it makes. It sounds like this ex-wife still likes him and is jealous of you. chances are, your younger, more beautiful, more full of life. Shes probably jealous.
In my opinion; not saying you have to take it etc) is that the best thing would be to move on from this relationship. He and his wife have problems, and i think that you are too young to be in this sort of relationship.
She seems like a class bitch, so if you dont want to do the above, get him and her sat down to work it out. make sure you dont stand in the room while they do this, but i think this would be the best thing xx
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