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age
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writes: Hi, am a young lady of 20 years old and 4months ago I months ago I met a 45year old man. Since then we have been communicating very well, but we don't meet regularly as he doesn't stay in town but works here. He told me he have never been married but has 1daughter(5years old) but not with the mother. I really like the guy but the age difference between us really scares me, at times I think he is just playing mind games with me just to drag me into bed with me. I have never slept with him, please help I don't know if I should go with the flow or just back off and find sum1 my age Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 I normally am very supportive of age gap relationships but this one raises some flags for me....
1. a man of 45 with a 5 year old... how old is her mother? I'm sensing he targets younger women... NOT GOOD. Never married? was this child PLANNED with a long term partner or was she an OOPS?
2. he works where you are and lives somewhere else... he SAYS he is single and never married... are you SURE?
3. your gut has you wondering... that alone is enough to make me cautious.
I am 53.I tend to prefer younger men... but I have to tell you at 45 there was no way I would have found a 20 yr old an acceptable partner. I think my husband is too young for me as it is. When he was 20 I was 33 and I will tell you that there is no way at 33 I would have found his 20 yr old persona good for anything.
Age gaps are ok with BIG differences after the younger partner is past 30 IMO. IF you were 30 and he was 55 that would still be a huge difference vs 20 and 45.
My gf and I were talking last night about this. She is 40 her husband is 52. She and I agreed I'm much more content to be home on the couch with my book than go out. Her husband agrees with me. We are both older. My husband agrees with her. Both of them are younger and forget how old their spouses really are!
You say you communicate well... in what way.
what do you have in common... my husband and I met gaming so it was about the brain not the body when we met...
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 May 2013):
 If your gut is screaming he is only in it for the sex, you should listen to it. Though let's face it, that has less to do with his age.
Like iAmHereToHelpYou mentioned, do you even have anything in common? Do you enjoy each other's company and last how do you see the two of you together? Acquaintances? Friends?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): "I think he is just playing mind games with me just to drag me into bed with me."As a guy even older than this guy I can tell you that your instincts are 100% spot on. Any guy that age chasing after young women your age is looking for an ego boost while mourning his lost use and confronting his pending mortality.Two additional red flags: he's never been married (so he claims) and he has a five-year-old kid from an ex-girlfriend (so he claims). That suggests to me that there's something about him that instantly turns women his age off and guys like that often compensate by taking up with younger woman like yourself who can't always make the distinction between age and maturity. Not much good can come of any possible relationship, your inclination to back off and seek more age-appropriate companionship is a sound one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): Always follow your gut-feeling when it warns you to slooooow down. Keep your eyes and ears open. Although he claims not to be married, he does have a 5 year-old daughter. He also claims he's is not with her mother. Does he pay child-support and claim paternal rights to his daughter? Does he have a relationship with her at all? That speaks volumes about his character. With any guy you don't know, always be alert for red flags. He's older, and has the upper-hand with experience. He knows how to play the girls; and stay out of commitment's reach.He is 2.5 decades ahead of you. He has never married; so he isn't likely to commit his heart to any one woman. His freedom means more to him than anything else. So enjoy his company; but don't expect anything serious from this 45 year-old playboy. Trust your instincts and always give yourself room to spread wings and take flight at the first sign of trouble.As for games, he's a bit old for that. You're not a little doll; so don't allow your heart to be toyed with.
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