A
male
age
30-35,
*rientalbaby
writes:Should I give up or keep fighting for this this wonderful guy? A month ago I’ve met this wonderful 18 year old German guy. Lets call him A. Theres also this girl, lets call her B. B used to have a crush on me, she doesn’t know I’m gay - obviouslyA and B met on tinder, and B is the only girl that A met off there.So A and I have been texting every day for the last 1 month. I assumse it’s becos he lives in a countryside and there’s not much going on there, but even on the days we don’t text, he would just say something before his bedtime. He comes to town every weekend and always has to split half time for me and half for the girl, which makes things more and more awkard. 2 weeks ago, after having dinner with me, A said he had to do something and will catch up with me later. I found out that he went to see the girl, he came back to apologise afterwards. He thought the problem was that I was not cool with him seeing the girl who used to like me. He doesn’t know Im gay and that I like him. I was really disappointed and didn’t want to talk. So he just stood there staring at me, feeling guity and trying not to cry. We made it up by him staying over. He didn’t cuddle with me but didn’t mind me cuddling him a little bit.Last weekend. A and B went to an event together (after A had dinner with me) and B got mad at A because he was distracted by girls. A is a handsome chap and he can’t help it. He had to run around trying to make it up to B and got distracted again when I arrived. B got madder and kept running away. A and I went for a walk. A admitted that he started to like the girl, I felt so bad and said I’d find B to apologise, A told me “No, you don’t need to apologise, if she keeps being unreasonable and you are important to me”Everything was settled for a bit, we went back to the dance floor, that was went B ran to A. I stepped away, not so long before a girl ran to me. That moment was like a scene in a movie I saw somewhere about 2 guys liking each other so much but they had to take 2 female dates to the prom. So we were all there, dancing with 2 different girls. I tried acting like everything was ok, but A knew everything was not, he was really worried and kept looking for my eyes. B ended up being so drunk so A asked for my permisson to take her home. He came back to me afterwards. Something about A: He just had sex twice in his life w his first gf and he didn’t really enjoy it. He doesn’t masturbate or watch porns. Hes very smart and mature for a guy his age, I think enough to acknowledge what’s going on between us. He has got a pure heart, and is very kind-hearted, he cares about people and always tries to make everyone happy, hes the kind of guy you would only meet once or twice in a lifetime. About A and I: We get along so well. He thinks I’m handsome and I think he looks up on me like a big brother. He likes my British English and starts to pick up my accent. He changed some habits because I said I didn’t like them. We would sing for each other, when we go out or via voice messages. One time he asked me if I was homosexual after I kissed his shoulder, I said I don’t think so. He was asked the same question and took him like 5 secs to say he’s straight (I saw some struggle, but maybe he was really trying to be honest). He is cool with me texting him: wish u were here to cuddle, miss you, want to go do this, eat that with you tonight when he’s not in town. We don’t flirt when we text, just say things and tell stories. We make sexual jokes, but they are purely jokes. There will be a vacation a month ahead and I just asked him if he wanted to spend it with me, he said he already got plans with B. So I’m thinking about stepping back and giving up on him. I like him, I really really do but I don’t know whether he likes me too or what he has with me is a bromance. Is he bi? Should I confess my feelings? Should I keep fighting? Because witnessing him struggle to make us both happy doesn’t make me happy. Any advice is much appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2015): I think your friend asked if you were homosexual, because he already suspects you are. If "you" are the one who said you missed cuddling with him, that was a dead-giveaway.
If you know B is crushing on him, and got jealous when
he was distracted by other girls, perhaps it's best you stay in the friend-zone, and be the big brother. No more cuddling!!!
It's not a good idea to make gay-advances toward guys; when you are uncertain of their sexual-orientation. If he says "no," then you should respect that.
If you're going to lie about your sexual-orientation; I think he would be more upset if the truth comes out by accident. He gave you the chance to confess; and if you don't, the girl will out you to him. She has designs on him and will eliminate her competition.
Let him make all the first moves. I don't think this situation will end well, considering there is a girl in the middle; and you are four years older than the others.
A
male
reader, orientalbaby +, writes (27 March 2015):
orientalbaby is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear wiseowle,
I'm so sorry for ur lost and thank u for such a hearfelt story. I hope ur now happy with the new man.
Let me be more specific about my story:
I said i miss cuddling with him, he never said so. The night he stayed over we both had different blankets. I put my leg and arm over his blanket for some time while we talk. I dont know if u really consider that cuddling. I lied becos i value this beautiful friendship and dont want it to be ruined if he was straight. A is really innocent and hes playing with neither of us
Abt B: shes is a really nice girl but shes also very promiscuous. If there werent A, there would be other guys. A and B never even kissed
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A
male
reader, orientalbaby +, writes (27 March 2015):
orientalbaby is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much CMMP. I'll take your advice
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2015): Only he knows if he's bi-sexual. I think it is safe to assume he is attracted to men. You don't know if A and B are having sex. He may be playing the same game with her.
I don't think you should give-up on him; but I do think YOU BOTH should be honest with B.
More importantly, be honest with YOURSELVES! Why did you lie when he asked if you were homosexual? What was the point? You're both playing games. Two guys cuddling in-bed is admission you're gay, if you ask me! He even said he missed your cuddles? How adorable!
Now I have to step-back. The guy who became my partner for nearly 30 years, played the same silly game with me. We were both in the closet, needless to say. I came out first, but not to him. I was afraid to. We did things when we were kids, but felt guilty afterwards. So we stopped. We lived in different states, but spent summers with each others families. We stayed pen-pals, until college.
Although we met at 17, we didn't come-out to each other until we were 21! I went into the military, while he was in grad-school. Up to then, we dated girls and lived in denial. I came to terms with who I am. He still continued to date girls. Yet, never missed a summer staying with me. I eventually got accepted into a military academy in his hometown. I delayed college while I served active-duty; but went to night school; so I had only two years to complete my under-grad degree at the academy. Those years were the best times of my life!
He just decided one night to blurt out..."I'm freaking in-love with a dude!!!" I asked who? My heart was palpitating nearly out of my chest. IT WAS ME!!! We didn't move-in together until he finished law school. He just stayed over-night at my apartment a lot. We went to his ex-girlfriend's wedding together, go figure.
He died of cancer seven years ago. I miss him like you wouldn't believe! I've met a new guy. He's great!
Get things in order with B. Don't be a creep by waiting until she has attached her feelings to A, then decide to go after him for yourself. Tell him the truth.
Back-off if he decides to continue dating B. That's when you should give-up. No fooling around behind her back, if he commits to her. No more cuddling. He has to come to terms with who he is in his own time. Don't pressure him.
He may well be attracted to B. Not enough, if he's so distracted by other girls; and likes your cuddles.
You and I both suspect he's full of it! Don't we?
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (26 March 2015):
Until you start being honest with each other nothing is going to happen. Cuddling and kissing shoulders are not "bromance" things, they are gay things.
He's at least bi-curious, and he should be smart enough to know you're gay.
Be honest and tell him how you feel. See what happens.
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