A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, Wondered if you could advise me on the following plase. !! I have been in a relationship for two months. For the last month it as been rocky for various reasons, but I have realised that alot of that is to do with my anxiety, and am working on fixing that:o)however, my problem is this. I have made the mistake of telling my close freind/ work colleague almost every detail of my relationship. She has not had a partner for some years. Anyway, I usually end up getting more anxious after speaking with her, and end up taking it out on him, and the poor guy doens;t know what;s happening. She wants to know every single detail of what he says and does, and because I have made the mistake of telling her all this time, and actully DO need to confide in her sometimes, it has become addicitive for both her and me. I now think it may have been a negative contributing factor to the problems in my relationship recently. eg: She says he should have texted back right away, I get wound up, tell him off, he gets confused, I regret it - and have to build the whole thing back up etc etc. I am now trying to find a balance. It is very unhealthy, and I feel that this may have tainted my relationship with him, and she almost looks dissapointed when things ARE going ok with me and him. I do not want to lose her as a freind, and need someone to confide in her sometimes when I get worried, but how can I withdraw without hurting her feelings? as I know she will notice and get angry and what happens when I do want to confide in her? or should I just find someone else to tell if I need to? I actully think it has been making things worse, and she says stuff like he is horrid and I should leave him etc, but the relastionship canot breath with her stuck in the middle. She constanatly wnants to know exactly what he said , how he said it, all of his habits etc etc.. weird! Please help!! Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): i have definately been down this road before and its a tough situation to bear because you have a friendship with your close friend and boyfriend. of course there always will be downtimes in your life or relationship that you would need a confidant to vent to and understand... but there are some things you just have to let settle between you and yourself.
your friend may just be looking out for your best interest and is giving advice from personal experience or profound insight to other's lifes. now, it may be hard to believe her words due to the fact that she hasnt had a partner for a while but at times you just have to trust her as you always would, and know that she wont drive you astray.
on the other hand ! if you study her actions during the topic of your relationship and you see it more as negative... dont jump to conclusions. focus on you and him, keep your thoughts to yourself, and dont allow her to invade what you have. its good to be open for advice but you and "your" man should be able to talk things out instead of letting another female direct the film of your love. "most of the time" there is that side of a friend that exists where they dont want any one else to be happy. they dont have what you have so they enjoy interfeiring and causing hell, so to say. you have every right to become suspicious then because in this day "you never know". there are those friends who have been there for years and there are ones that are only for a season. tempted to have your man's attention or his heart, they will try every way to squeeze between you two.
yes. its possible that she may want him... secretly. yes. it is possible that she is just strictly looking out for you. but it is also true that actions speak louder than words... you: hey baby ! (on the phone) her: huh... oah lord (next to you)... major sign. but best wishes to you, just look out for you and end the end everything will be fine. just acknowledge boundaries between you and your friend and she should respect that by any means if youre respectful about it.
GOOD LUCK MAMA.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats a good idea older sister!! That way she will not get hurt - plus it's the truth!! I would love to tell her about this site, but have half of my life problems on it!!! she will KNOW it;s me, as she knows every damm thing about me as it is. !! LOL Thanks :o)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Older sister, thanks for your response. No, I am the one with the issues in the relastionship - I did not make myself clear!! My freind has no real life as such, and has alwayws lived her through mine, but I think this might be pushing it. I am working on my issues, but cannot cope with the extra pressure of her involcved too much. it is my own fault. Soerry - but thanks for your answer. :o)xx
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