A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well this is my problem, i guess its stupid but i hope not.I know my girlfriend for about a year, were dating 7 months now, we get along very well no problems at all, only thing that is bothering me is her past. we're both 17 and the problem is she was my first serious girlfriend and was the first one to have have sex with, she had other tho. many boyfriends that werent serious and 2 serious boyfriends who she had sex with and first time it was at the age 13, she said she over all of them and she kinda regrets doing all those things and stuff and that i'm the only one now. but the problem is that i cant get over that, i know people cant change the past or we cant really jugde people by that kind of things, but its still killing me inside it didnt bother me at the begining, but when i fell compleatly in love with her it started buging me. she aswell did kinda mention alot of those things, and i told her it bothers me and she stoped but still when i know so much i keep seeing all this pictures in my head i cant stay focused at all + one of her more serious boyfriends was a good friend of mine so i know alot of her past. thanks, for the help in advance.hope this isnt too long.
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male
reader, blacklabel  +, writes (23 February 2011):
i love the last guys answer... it tears you up inside but look at her and what she does for you. it hurts you so bad that you feel like you can't be the same to her as she is for you but if she's still with you, you are more than that to her. sex is sex and it hurts because it matters so much to guys but if she loves you as much as you love her than it doesn't matter. love means more to girls than sex, we're just wired differently and no matter how much it hurts she's going to be there for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): I'm in the same situation as you. Been with my gf for 6 months now. This being a problem we both have, I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me how your relationship has been going with this issue. Are you guys still dating? Are your feelings under control? Are you happy in the relationship?
Appreciate it very much!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): the worst feeling i have ever had was the same one you are probably feeling, anger, afraid of the past. i am 22 years old, divorced once already. im not old enough for you to listen to me, but i will tell you this.... i have just met the girl of my dreams who by the way is 29. 7 years older than me and with a lot more past than me. i just had this problem with her, you know the old sex questions, ex partners, ex boyfriends, etc. and i understand how you feel. after my first marriege i had multiple relationships with other women at the same time (she does not know this) and most of the things she had done in the past i had done too. so why did it bother me so much? why? the truth is bro, i was not upset at her or her past, i was feeling unsecure about myself, i felt like if i was no match for the other men she had in her life before me. according to her i made her pass her boundries to experience things no one else did before, (sexually that is) we have experimented things neither of us have before and i feel great. if you are going through this its a natural feeling after all we are very teritorial, we get upset and jealous its all part of being men. give it time and the answers will come to you. besides bro there is nothing worst in intimacy than to be with someone that really sucks at it. and its not fun at all.ps your are 17 or 18 of age, instead of stressing over things like this take your time and enjoy life i did the same mistake. just wait till your old enough to go out to clubs, bars and stuff like that, you will see all the fun you can have instead of being tied up to a female so early in life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): These feelings are NATURAL. It's part of being a sexual & reproducing creature to want your partners not to have had a bunch of previous experience.
Every previous experience he/she has is a chance to have caught an STD, a chance to get pregnant with another person, a chance that he/she will think you aren't as good in bed as the previous person, and a chance that your partner might still be attracted enough to cheat on you with this person in the future. There is nothing here that you stand to benefit from and a lot that could cause you trouble, so therefore you are designed not to like the situation at all.
The culture is currently teaching us that this is a "male ego problem." That is because the feelings are usually stronger in males (makes perfect biological sense). Blaming male-ness is much more fashionable than trying to get to the root of these issues and understand them. That would involve facing the biological urges that underlie it and WILL NOT go away. Not any more than our desire to eat and sleep.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): i feel the same she has done it with two guys and i know them both , not very well though but i still know them. it bothers me to death i dont know what to do she loves me i care about her i would love her if i didnt know her past i am thinking about leaving her but its been eight months dont know how to break up but i really want to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCould it be that i fancyed her but she was with another? because i really have a ''prefect'' life nothing really hurts me at all. I'm more of a silent tipe tho no idea why just am, thats why i think am depressed a lot of the time, it feels like something is horibly wrong but to be honest nothing is wrong except her past thingie :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we were really good friends in the begining, she was dating my friend and i got a lot of information from both sides.You know how guys talk about sex etc, and she was just telling me what her past relationships where. I never in the world thought i would date here, i've always fancyed her but still she was dating my friend and you just cant destroy a friendship because of that its kinda imoral. I never wanted to know much about her dating & sexual past but i kinda did before we even started to date and now that we're dating she also kinda sometimes accidenty talks about it, because of the friendship we had.
and yeah i know, we cant have any future if i cant get over that, and i kinda did once before, but then we were talking about sex etc. and it kinda lead to that subject and it started to bother me again. sometimes i feel so stupid because i let my self get sad about things that were and are not anymore.
and thanks for all the help guys :) its very helpful
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): By the way, here is a question written by a girl your age whose boyfriend feels the same way as you do about your girlfriend.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-told-my-bf-of-having-been-forced.html
You also said that it didn't bother you in the beginning, but only after you started to love her. That is normal. I didn't care about any of my other girlfriend's pasts because I hadn't begun to love them. They were just nice people to have a good time with. I started to care about my wife's past when she was my girlfriend only after I had started to fall in love with her. If your relationship continues, you will probably slowly begin to feel better about her. It is also OK to feel bad about feeling this way. I still feel guilty because I still feel this way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): This is a very common problem that many men have. I had hoped that younger people would start to accept a woman's past better, but I guess not. I'm not scolding you because I and many others on this forum have written about this. You can read my story and some tips on how to try to handle these feelings here:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-change-my-resurfaced-feelings-about.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/some-tips-for-guys-that-are-having-trouble.html
Here is another one on the same subject posted by someone else:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/out-of-the-blue-i-am-having-issues.html
I believe that these feelings are a result of how young boys are brought up to think, at least in the United States. Even though I know that I shouldn't feel the way about my wife as you feel about your girlfriend, I just can't change the way I feel. And this is after 28 years of knowing her. I don't have a solution to how you can change your feelings. If I did, I would have never found this forum. Just realize that you are not alone in your feelings. That has helped me. I thought that I was the only person who could have these bad feelings, even though my wife has been faithful to me for 28 years. Maybe someone will finally post an answer that will help all of us men and boys forget about our wives or girlfriend's past, but until then read some of the other stories posted on the forum. You are not alone.
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (24 October 2007):
 If you can't get over her past you have no future. Take a deep breath and concentrate on the things about her that make you love her. She isn't with those guys; she's with you. She CHOOSES you. So you win, and they lose. Look at it that way.
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