A
male
age
36-40,
*ip apart
writes:hello everyone,please help me...please help me out.as i write this i have tears rolling dowm my eyes...guys please advicei am 23 years old..freshly passed out dentist and live in mumbai,india.i have a girlfriend since two years.she too is a dentist and we passed out together from the same college..naming her ann(fake name) for convienience..me and ann know each other from six years but back then i had another girlfreind..she cheated on me and so i left her...me and ann started spending more time together and fell in love..since two years our relationship is very strong and commited..she stays in another state..so after completing her education she has gone back to her state...since last two months its been a long distance relationship but still going strong...last year while she was here we told our parents...my parents are quite cool with it and have readily accepted her but her parents are throwing a stiff resistance...here is an account of the instantces1)she told her parents in july2010 when she was in mumbai.they called her back immediately for a talk and tried to force her to end the relationship...they had almost brainwashed her in ending the relationship and started searching for grooms...they even found one but as they belive in astrology and his stars didint match with ann so they called it off...she came back to mumbai and i had to again instill the hope in her to let this relationship go strong...my parents are cool about it and are giving us a go ahead for the marriage after we settle but not ready to talk with her parents as they say they dont want to hear a no and get insulted2)she went back to her home in september2010...again the same thing happened...her grandfather interfered and said as he is the head of the house he will decide...he called for my birth details and matched our horoscopes...according to them our horoscopes dont match at all and they said we cannot marry...i dont believe in horoscopes but my parents do...if they come to know about this they will too back off...me and ann havent told them about this in detail but they have an idea about it...3)her parents are very smart...till she was here in mumbai along with me for education..they didnt bring up the topic of marriage after the initial resistance....now that she is back in her home away from me...they have not started the talks again but are emotionally blackmailing her that if she marries against their wishes she will hurt them and they are not against her but as horoscopes dont match they dont want us to go ahead with our union4)in july 2011 after she went to her state i went to her state as i had some work...i thought i could meet her parents and talk it with them but they made themselves unavailable intentionally. i couldnt meet them and when i told this to ann she said its nothing like this....they were really busy5)after that i wrote a mail to anns dad but he didnt replybasically they are not talking about me and showing no interest in me or our relationship...they want her to forget menow ann is very sensitive just like me....she says she is stretched between me and her parents and cant leave both...i dont want to hurt her but cant think of life beyond her..are relationship is no infatuation and we know each other in and out..she knos all my flaws...deepest secrets...evrything and same do i....we have spent a lot of time together secretly so i dont think staying and adjusting would be a problemi feel if horoscopes is the thing that is stopping them i think they are crazy...coz both mine and her folks are educated and i dont believe in all this...i think one makes or breaks his own life...but they dont seem to agree...in fact her dad though had an arrange marriage didnt match horoscopes with anns mom as he didnt have one of his ownthey are crying and emotionally blackmailing her to forget me and she too is crying and becoming unstable...we talk but they have strictly told her to break all ties with me...we talk everyday but on a sly...her parents dont know about it...i tell her to tell them that we are in contact but she says doing this will make the situation more worselike me...she too is also very attached to me and is facing a double edged sword...me being on one side and her parents on the other...all views escepially indian views would be greatly accepted...please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): Hello, I am really sorry that I am not Indian, but I wanted to say something.
First of all, I'm really so sorry to hear about your situation.
Secondly, it seems that there must be another reason as to why her parents don't want you to be with their daughter. I know that in your culture the issue of horoscopes is taken very seriously, but this does seem like an excuse doesn't it?
Can you find out the REAL reason as to why they object to you?
Also, I don't know if there would be a formal way of doing this in India but can you have the horoscope reading revised? By someone considered independent? It seems very obvious that horoscopes are only able to exist through methods of interpretation, and surely one person's interpretation will differ from anothers?
It is a common trick to simply "block" someone to make them feel powerless, not just in your situation but in any situation where someone wants to take care of their own powerful position. You are not even being given a chance or opportunity to put your case.
If there is not a formal way for you to "appeal" against her parents decision to reject you from the start, can you do some very, very gentlemanly thing to impress them? For example, if you are a dentist could you go to do some charity work to "prove" yourself as a decent man. I think it would really help you a lot if you got a lot of public respect and support around you - I know that this is a "long shot" but if you can, for now, ignore their treatment of you and simply prove to other people that you are a good, strong man, they will maybe become ashamed of their treatment of you...?
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