A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well as I write this I feel sick. I was at my girlfriend's house today and we were upstairs in the tv room messing around. Her mum and 18 year old cousin were downstairs watching tv and we were aware of this. The plan was to keep on doing what we were doing, and if we heard anyone we would stop. They have two doors downstairs; one which makes noise when opened and one which creaks loudly, so we are usually fine as we have done this before.Anyway, I start fingering her and all is good. I then ask her, 'do you feel like head?' She says yes and lays down and takes off her tights and is left with just undies and a top on (note that her shorts were already taken off before this). As soon as she takes her tights off, who else but her cousin walks in on us. Nothings said besides us looking at each other in shock, when he walks out of the room and goes back downstairs. My girlfriend put her clothes back on as the mood died instantly, but assured me that he wouldn't tell her mum what he saw. 10 minutes later, her mum came upstairs and came into the room and said "what are you two doing up here? I hope you two are behaving yourselves. Michael [my name] has to go home now. Bec [girlfriends name], I want to talk to you after". This was enough to make me shit myself as it was pretty obvious that she knew something happened, but we weren't sure exactly what.Before I left, my girlfriend insisted to me that she tried to think of an excuse as to why her pants were down, but I knew it was no good. I go home feeling shit and sick in the stomach and wait to talk to my girlfriend to see what happened.She comes on MSN a few hours later, and she told me that her cousin told her that he told her mum because he thought her mum already knew we were into that stuff.. obviously not. Her mum had changed her mind, and didn't want to talk to her or see her, but my girlfriend talked to her cousin instead.She decided to go with the act that we were just "wrestling" and her pants happened to come down.. pretty crap excuse I know, I didn't tell her that one. He got angry with her when she was trying to make up excuses because he thought she was insulting his intelligence. She told him it was our first time, and we hadn't done anything before this - which is a lie, but maybe the only thing that will get us out of it. He believed her, and yeah they finished talking.The mum told the cousin at first that she would tell the Dad - the family is of egyptian descent and if anyone knows anything about egyptians it is that they will kill anyone who does anything to their daughter - but the mum changed her mind about telling. Now I don't know what to do from here. I know I have to go and talk to the mum one on one and tell her a few things. They include:-I love her daughter and I am not just in this relationship for sex (we have been going out for 7 months and not had sex yet)-I wouldn't force anything on her daughter and only do things we are comfortable and ready for (I think I have to go with the story that it was our first time experimenting)-It was wrong and I won't do it again, and I know the trust you have in me is probably gone but I hope to regain that.What worries me the most are a few things. One, is that I won't get to see her nearly as much as I do. Two, we will not get any privacy and will not be trusted (the mum is the nice parent and she has trusted us a lot so far). Three, it will be very awkward from now on between me and the family. I'm sorry for the length of this but I need to ask a few things.What do you think about my actions? Am I too young for this stuff? Me and my girlfriend are 15.How do I make myself feel better about this and how do I get over it?Should I add anything else when I speak to her mum, is what I have so far good, and what reaction do you think I will get?How do I regain her trust?-I love my girlfriend so much and it just worries me that I think our relationship has just gotten a lot more complicated and screwy. Thanks for reading, sorry if I ramble and thanks for replying if you do :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 She won't believe you any way if you say you'll never do it again, that's why I said to be as truthful with her as you can. Parent's expect some fooling around but the fact that you guys aren't having actual sex intercourse is a big plus. I just advise you don't make any promises you can't keep. As a parent I would respect you for your sincerity and honesty. Just promise her you will respect her daughter. Let us know how things turn out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): I'm not sure how to reply to this under the same user, but its me the person who posted the question just so you know.
Anonymous #1 - what you said about making rules for us sounds good in theory and it might work but I think it would just make our relationship so much more awkward because we have to have it under a set of rules. I think a relationship should be based around trust, not making rules to see if everythings alright. I know I've probably lost that trust, but I've realized that if things get back to normal again I wouldnt be as silly as to do things whilst people were in the house.
Solver - no offense or anything, assuming you are of a christian faith because that what it sounds like, but that is one of the things i hate about it and it really makes you sound like an ass. Yes, i do really love her if thats what you're worried about. I am 15 and i love her. When I'm 17 i may love someone else who knows. But i am going on what I know now.. and right now is that i love her. If things stay the same as they are now for the next however many years then yes ill end up marrying her because i'll still love her in the same way. But no one knows what is just around the corner, so its hard to judge. You dont have to commit yourself to marriage from the word go with everyone you love.
eyeswideopen - Yeah I think those are around the lines of things I basically get across, and hope I dont get my head bitten off. But I dont know what she is exactly upset and angry about.. is it the fact that we are doing this stuff at 15? Or that we did it in her house? Or that we got caught? Because when I apologize to her, I'm going to be hesitant to say 'we wont do it again', and because you said be truthful, it mightn't satisfy her needs of an apology.
anonymous #2 - I said when i wrote the question that we have not had sex yet so I dont know what you're going on about with the whole pull out method and contraception.. but thanks for the advice i'll use it if we come to sex. So we arn't exactly underage seeing as those underage laws only apply to intercourse.
Thanks for you replies though, it's much appreciated and helping me deal with it all.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 July 2008):
So you caught with the proverbial pants down huh? You sound like a very bright young man and the points you have brought up to discuss with the mother are very well thought out. I would, however, keep it as truthful as you can. Apologize, promise to treat her daughter with the respect she is due and assure her that she can trust you with her daughter in the future. Then don't make yourself a liar if she agrees to give you another chance. Good luck, Buddy.
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