A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, My girlfriend and I are having problems. I'm 28 and she's 21. We've been together for 4 yrs. Her parents are going through tough times for quite some time for almost 3 years and they have more than 10 years in age difference (been together for 21 years). That fact alone means that for her mom, her husband is her first. Along with this, i am my girlfriend's first and my girlfriend is for me too but i have not told her about my past with regards to sexual partners that much...til now. I did not know it bothered her this much given her mom story about her dad. Now, her mom is telling her not to settle with me since she has not dated around and her mom thinks her problem with her husband is due to her inexperience with other men. Her mom's rational is that my girfriend should not settle with me since i am her first. Rather, she wants her date around first before she settles. For quite some time, her mom did not get to my girlfriend's mind but now lately, she is getting into her. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (18 March 2007):
 I am 31 and my boyfriend is 41. We have been together for 10 years. His mum tried to put me off of him because of the age difference, but at the end of the day, it is what she thinks and not her parents. She is probably at a very emotional stage since she is living with her mum and probably having to listen to her mum constantly going on about her dad etc. So because she is listening to stories about her mum and her bad marriage, she is starting to think that maybe what she is saying is true. I've been there and know that the only person that can make that decision to either stick it out, or pack it in, is her! Just tell her that you love her, want to be with her, and that you will be there for her, but she needs to make that decision.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): It really is up to your gf and you and has nothing to do with her parents. Your gf needs to realise this. If your relationship goes wrong then that has nothing to do with her parents either. It is up to you two to make your way in life and if you make mistakes then you will live through them and that will make you both better people. I don't see why her parents have to be involved or concerned. It is just the two of you.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (12 March 2007):
 The fact is that there is really only one thing you can do in this situation. Let your girlfriend think for herself. Tell her you love her and want to be with her but that you're going to give her some space to work things out. Right now she's probably feeling torn between you and her mother and it's not fair to ask her to choose. If you did she'd be honour bound to pick her mother anyway. Just give her some room to make a decision and tell her to get back in touch when she's decided what she wants. There's no magical fix to make her want to continue this relationship. A relationship can only work if both people want to be in it and it seems like she just needs some time to find out if that is what she wants.
CD
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