A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine has recently asked me for advice since her husband reads all her e-mails etc. Not sure what to tell her. She recently found out her husband of 15 years is a cross-dresser and wants to 'come out' She has agreed to stay and live together as 'friends only'but is extremely concerned (as I am) for her 2 lovely children aged 10 and 12. He has started to sneak in and out of the house dressed as a woman and this need seems to be getting stronger. He wants to tell the children but she is totally against this, until they are much older. I have to agree with her but she is afraid to ask him to leave as he will 'come out permanently' and they will find out anyway. She cannot have sexual relations with him any longer and caught him 'fantacising' sexually dressed as a woman very recently. What should I tell her? They have already been to relate but he refuses to go again. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Louise101 +, writes (28 July 2007):
Hi there, I am a married TV and told my wife several years ago (we have been married now for 22 years), we have 3 daughters 2 at 16 and 1 at 18, I have kept my 'secret' from them particularly at this time in there life GCSE'S and A Level time. I think you really need to put your family first as frustrating as it is, things will get better, tell your 'friend' to get in touch with the Beaumont Society or Roses and speak to them, there is a great 'scene' out there for both wife and TV to enjoy, weeks and weekends away where you can meet other people in the same situation it doesn't have to be doom and gloom! Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007):
Wot a pickle - It`s tough every which way.
Sadly the same thing happened to a girl when i was at school. She was about 11 and her father not only came out but went on TV to promote the cause. Her parents divorced later on and both she and her brother left school and the area as the pressure was too much. This was 25 years ago and attitudes have changed but if he is going out publically it is more than possible neighbours or school bullies will have a much bigger impact on the kids than you telling them .
Kids do take things in their stride but don`t underestmate the impact of others. They may appear OK to you but simply be hiding their pain for fear of a family split.
You don`t say where your friend lives, or how much they understand about /are accustomed to the cross dressing scene. Does your friend really want to stay in this relationship once the children know! Be careful making the announcement and later announcing a divorce could also mean that the kids will blame themselves for the split thinking that they responded in the wrong way!!!!
Good Luck and Love
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 February 2007):
 Wow, this is a difficult one. However it seems to me that the husband is getting so brazen about his hobby that they will find out sooner or later anyway and it might be better for your friend and her husband to tell them the truth rather than let them see him randomly in a dress you know? This probably isn't relevant at all but I remember reading a story about a girl this happened to in a magazine when I was younger and she said she was so young she just accepted this. I'd imagine that there is a support group somewhere on the internet for partners of transvestites and that she can find someone who has been in the same situation to ask for advice but failing this, I guess my advice would be to be honest with the children. By the time you get to that age you know when something is up anyway.
CD
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