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*dmustang
writes:I recently spent the night with my girlfriend to celebrate valentines. The next morning I left to go home and an ex she had intimate relations with dropped by to use the restroom. I had a real issue with it and he knew she was seeing someone. So she hugged him and invited him in to visit. I think she should have told him it wasn't right for him to be there and he should have left. It has become a real issue and she thinks I'm wrong and my values are completely different than hers. Reply to this Question
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reader, wdmustang +, writes (18 February 2009):
wdmustang is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou ask for an update and I must tell you it isnt easy. We will continue to see each other but the thoughts of what really happened that day in her house,will always be known by only two people. The problem with situations like this is you cant go back and change what you have done and that person trying to convience someone else it was all innocent will never happen. You find a way to live with it,you dont forget,you just realize that person is capable of making decisons that are against your values. We do all make mistakes but there are boundries in relationships that you dont cross and there is no excuse for making theses kind of mistakes. Its sad but today it seems the values and principles that people have just arent like the old fashion ones I grew up with. Most people seem to be like sheep,they just follow the flock no matter what kind of leader it has.
A
male
reader, wdmustang +, writes (17 February 2009):
wdmustang is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks once again for the right on answers that you have given to this issue and I do appreciate your taking the time to write. It is very sad that this happened and as a matter of fact he did know she was seeing someone and you are correct im with you on stopping by to get some Valentine candy!!!!Im not sure I have much else to say,I have old values and we do all make mistakes in life. That being said,mistakes are expected to me made like forgetting to put gas in your car or paying a bill late or many other things. But we are not kids,we are adults and mistakes like this dont just happen unless both parties are looking to share some Valentines candy together. I have said so many times to her,there is a convience store less than one mile away that he could have stopped to use the restroom but of course they dont have what he was looking for!! I do wish each and everyone of you a wonderful 2009 and once again thanks for the common sense answers that we all learned when we became adults.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): Are you kidding me???!!!!! "Stopped by to use the RESTROOM"?! BUSTED!!! Seriously!!!! Who just 'stops by to use someones bathroom'.. Who does that? If it where me I would have some serious issues with that! Nobody does that! That's just WRONG! What, is she next door to a gas station? He could've/should've stopped at a PUBLIC place, (ie. service station, restraunt, fast food place, ect.) I don't care how good of 'friends' they may have ended their relationship, U DON'T DO THAT! He probably didn't know she was seeing anyone, and thought he would get 'a little'-'serviced' so to speak-pun intended.. I read her answer, and believe what you want, but if this ever should happen again- He NEEDS to stop at a public restroom- and not ur girlfriends! AND- SHE needs to tell him he can't do it again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): As the woman referenced in this question I now feel the need to respond. Sweetheart, I hope you don't mind and I hope it doesn't upset you even more. I almost lost you over this and I'm just hoping we can be happy again soon.
I made a terrible mistake and yes it was made because the man I'm madly in love with is very very hurt by my actions. So hurt in fact that he's returned a couple of expensive Valentines gifts I gave him on Valentine's day, heart breaking. He says they will only remind him of the horrible day I caused by allowing a man to walk into my home and use the restroom. A man with whom I was romantic with more than 3 years ago but also who I have remained friends with and he unexpectedly without calling first stopped at my home while on a long trip driving from Dallas to the Houston area. Even though I should have done the right thing and turned him away at the door I was so surprised to see him that I failed to respect my relationship and I allowed him to come in and use the restroom simply because he was my friend, nothing more, no hidden agenda, no cheating, and no lying to my boyfriend about it. I even asked my boyfriend to come back to the house when he showed up. I was completely honest with my boyfriend and made it very clear that I have no feelings for this man what so ever and he was not in my home for more than 5 minutes when I asked him to leave because I felt it was causing a major issue (due to the text messages I was getting from my boyfriend) and he might have just ruined my relationship by showing up at my home unannounced even though he knew I was in a relationship. I also asked him to never come back to my home for any reason ever again. He was very apologetic and said he hoped things would work out for us. Bottom line is, I MESSED UP and I hope I don't lose my boyfriend over it.
I am extremely heart broken because of my actions and because I hurt the man I love more than any man I've ever known. I'm hoping some day he will find it in his heart to forgive me and forget this ever happened. I have been completely faithful to this man since I met him almost 1 1/2 years ago and I plan on being faithful to him for the rest of my life.
I LOVE YOU BEYOND WORDS!!!
LOST IN LOVE
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A
male
reader, wdmustang +, writes (17 February 2009):
wdmustang is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate your answers and they are right on with my thinking. Im old school and I grew up with the fraze,dance with who brung you. Values today just arent there and I guess thats why the divorce rate is so high. My problem is we are adults and not teenagers,therefore we should by now know how to act as adults and know what is right and what is wrong. I argued and fought with this girl for two days about what happend. All she could say was that the only thing she did wrong was hurt me and never felt what she did was wrong at all. I guess its kinda explains itself!! When she invited this ex intimate lover into the same home I just left only when she realized I wasnt happy did she ask him to leave. She is 39 and even tho many younger women prefer mature men they dont realize we grew up with real values instead of the ones you see today from the younger men. All she can say to me is she never intended to hurt me. Just as I have always told my daughters,you have a choice,there are only two ways in life,right and wrong and when you chose the wrong one there are consequences to your actions. I do thank you for your time and your answers which I knew I would get because its just plain common sense.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Man, I think you are right in feeling uncomfortable with that situation. Who stops by their ex's house to use the restroom? That is a ridiculous excuse. Relationships are built on trust, so you need to feel like you can trust her. I would really have a talk with her about why you feel uncomfortable about it - and know that you are not being ridiculous about this. I would feel uncomfortable about it, as would many people. If she can't validate your concerns and come to a compromise concerning him that you are comfortable with, then I would say she is playing around with him behind your back. I would just be careful and watch what she is doing/saying and see if it all adds up. Good luck.
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